About music

I have no particular genre e.g. pop, rock that i favor over the rest. As long as it clicks with me, that is the song i like. The music, beat, rhythm are things that i look for in music, but more importantly are the lyrics. If a song has good music but bad lyrics i.e. vulgar, sexually explicit/suggestive, bad values, etc, i will listen for a few times then stop.

I believe music really does lift one's mood up or down. You are what you hear? Not sure if that is true.

At times i listen to secular music i.e. non-Christian songs for the beat. Haha, i would imagine myself singing in front of a crowd, who don't? Okay, there are some who don't.

The reason why i prefer the Christian genre most of the times, not sure if it is a genre in the first place is that hmmm, not sure how to put this in words. Okay, i guess i click with it? That the lyrics are beneficial in a sense that i relate to it somehow and it moulds me? Secular music on the other hand, I do enjoy it at times. It gets me "grooving", but other than that, there is nothing else really.

My 2 cents worth is that do not use music as an outlet for anger, as it does not solve your problem. It might provide a temporary relief but then again, temporary. It is better to settle the root of the problem.

Being content

If i could say something on being content with what we have. These past days have been an eye opener.

It takes less than a minute to remember a wise saying, longer to understand it, and even longer to integrate it into our lifestyles. I am in between stage 2 and 3.

What i desire now is more clothes, a hairstyle that suits me, and other stuffs. But i am contented that i have clothes to wear, a head full of hair, a mother that cares for me, a father that does not abuse me. I am contented because i have these good things, not because someone else is worse off than me.

To feel contented because someone else is in a worse state just does not sit right with me. To feel contented because of appreciation is the way i am trying out now. 2 sentences come to my mind now.

"It is not how much you have that makes you happy, but how much you enjoy and appreciate that does"

"How can one be contented when greed is around"

We need to bear in mind that greed is not so easily distinguished, it could come in disguises.

When i got a cash award for my academics, i was rather disappointed. With Jehovah even. I was expecting over $1000 so that i can buy an acoustic guitar, and finish building my bike. Well, i got $200. I was feeling disappointed because i couldn't get what i want. I already had a bike and an electric guitar. I wanted a better bike even though i might not be going on rides that demanded one. I have yet to master my basic skills for guitar and i wanted an acoustic guitar.

When i decided to put off my plans till i had the money and need for them, i realised something. I did not feel such a financial stress upon me, i could spend more money on food :)))) and $200 suddenly seem to be quite a fair sum of money.

Displeasure with Jehovah suddenly became gratefulness. Reading Proverbs a few days back made me realised this. I am truly blessed, but why i feel the opposite at times is because of my choices.

Choosing to please others, choosing to be the object of attention, choosing to go after better things because others do. I am uncovering them one by one, and changing my mindset.

Proverbs 10:22 "The blessing of the Lord brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it."

It is not the blessing that is small, but the greed that is large.

Ain't going to think about it

If it is one thing i know, thinking about the girl will only cause that feeling to increase. I ain't going down that road again, such feelings are unreliable. I am not going to consider a relationship unless i know God.

Got to focus on other things, yeap :)

Thoughts and a reminder

God take me, claim me before the end of age.

With so many theories, opinions about you, i pray and hope that i will know the real You before I die. To talk to You, to hear from You as real as a friend is the best thing that can happen to me.

Guitar- Not for fame, not for glory, not for attention, not for girls.

For fun, for expression of my feelings, for people who enjoy what i play, and again for fun.

And when i have found God again, For God.

Should i ever lose sight of my reasons for playing the guitar, this shall be a reminder.

Recently, there are 2 songs that have gotten my attention. Not a fan of the lyrics, but the music and voices are good.

Charice - Pyramid [featuring Iyaz]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhT2HhEllpw&ob=av2e

Just a Dream Cover/Remix (Nelly)- Joseph Vincent & Jason Chen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qp0KaC90KIY

Of yesterday and today

Yesterday was good, haha. It was my first time receiving so many compliments. I wore the shirt my brother gave me for prize presentation, he has good taste :)

When i saw my photo on the screen while going up the stage to take my award, the sentence, "Take the award, shake the hand, and walk down fast." kept repeating in my mind. Got a shock when i knew the photo on my admission card was going to be shown. I think most of our photos look like a criminal's mugshot. Honestly.

The food after presentation was good. Pizza Hut or KFC, thumbs up :)

Today was a good day too. I am improving in my guitar skills, thanks to daily practice, yeah man :) I am able to project simple melodies in my mind onto the guitar. It is going to get better.

Went swimming with Kenneth mid afternoon. We swam, we chat, we ate.

This quote struck me as a timely reminder. It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy and appreciate that makes us happy. True true.

My thoughts

If familiarity causes us to take each other for granted, and insults becomes a way of bonding. I would rather us be acquaintances, or strangers who just met. At least we had a form of respect between us. I would continue saying my thanks, giving people the respect i would like to receive, i will try my best. It is not because we ain't close, just that i do not want to take you for granted. Being close does not mean we should stop respecting each other.

Though i might not have faith in God, or whether He is there. I am not going to hate God for that matter.

I will still search for God with a daily prayer.

Do not hate any part of yourself because the world deems it as ugly. The world's idea of beauty is flawed, ever changing with every tide. A beautiful person is one with a beautiful soul. That is my opinion.

I always believed that when it is time i will meet the girl i am destined for, where we will weathered the trials of this life together, strengthening each other, growing each other spiritually. Where the love between us will be ever increasing through the trials of times. This belief was based on the providence of God.

Now that my faith in God has diminished. I am not confident of being in a relationship or in a marriage for that matter. I do not want to be married only to be divorced or be strangers under one roof. No. If i am married, i want to be in love. In love not only for 2 or 3 years. But till my time is up on this earth.

I cannot handle the consequences of looking at you one moment more. I would be mesmerized by your physical beauty yet again. I would rather be captivated by your inner beauty. I am not confident of loving you till the end of my life. I will shut these feelings i have, and treat you like a friend.

About marriage

I chanced upon this article about MM Lee's eulogy in Facebook, haha. I decided to read about it as i thought it could give me insight about a blessed marriage. It did. Their marriage is a testament that contrary to the negative view of marriages, there can be a "happily ever after".

My definition of "happily ever after" is by no means, not divorced nor strangers living under one roof. But rather, still in love with each other.

Why don't we see it that often? Maybe it is not that publicized or we probably think it is something that occurs naturally, even though we do not think in such a manner, our actions might prove otherwise. A couple need to work together to become an individual. As noted from the Bible, a man and a woman shall become one. Haha, come to think of it, God pretty much gave us the formula for a blessed marriage a long long time ago.

How can there be arguments in an individual? Or how can we hate our partner, would it not be the same as hating ourself ?

This "happily ever after" needs to be a conscious effort. To quote from MM Lee, "Over the years, she influenced my writing style. Now I write in short simple sentences, in the active voice. We gradually influenced each other's ways and habits, as we adjusted and accommodated each other. We knew that we could not stay starry-eyed lovers all our lives; that life was an ever on-going challenge with new problems to resolve and manage. "

What is our definition of "happily ever after"? What are our definitions influenced by? By the media? Or by the true essence of love?

I need a good boost

One thing that you do not need while going through a testing of your faith is a testing of your body's immune system.

After going shopping with Habib around Sim Lim square, i developed a numb ache in my lower ache that exploded into a full body ache and fever. My digestive system then went into overdrive during the night. Haiz, i am getting sick way too often. I really really need the discipline to maintain proper sleeping patterns and a regular intake of anti-oxidants to boost my immune system.

I guess that a spiritual turmoil is worse than a physical one. I want to put my whole life into God's hand. Not out of a delusion that is self-conceived to fill up a void of insecurity but rather because He is real. Regardless of what creationist or evolutionist might have to say, i honestly would like to find out the answer for myself. Not be swayed by what the majority would say, or by other opinions. One can keep on arguing about the existence about God, but what convinces someone about His reality is a personal experience that is convicting.

I need to know, haiz........

Answers.

Of life thus far

There is a sense of frustration when i am watching Korean drama with my mum. Not because she is hogging the TV but rather i feel indignant for the lead actress as she is bullied by her superior, "grandma" and other characters. I would like to have the power of invisibility and speed so that i can go in, slap the targeted people and zoom out :) But that is not going to solve anything much except douse the flame of anger in me, haha.

Today was rather fun, Mr Chua gave us a treat. He is really a good TSO, not because of the many treats he gave us but rather he goes beyond his role of duty and become a friend to many of us. It is a pleasure to have know my juniors, the year 2s, haha, it is funny to see how conspiracy theories of love go popping up at the slightest hint of affection.

This holiday is going to be busier than previous ones, it is better compared to fossilizing at home :)

With regards to my faith, i am going through a period of uncertainty. I know for a fact there is a god, but i still need to know it, know it. I won't be going to church for the time being, but i will still keep Jesus' teachings in mind. For honestly, it is through His teaching that i felt liberated, true freedom :) I would really like to meet Jesus. But what will i do if i really meet him, can i handle it? Haha, too many variables. Maybe i am blind to the answer in front of me.

I am fantasizing about what my future bike will look like :)

Just talking

FCBE exam was a miracle, haha, brought last minute mugging to an epic new high. God's grace, but no excuse to be lazy.

Arrr, can't wait to buy my road bike and other items to upgrade my cross-country mountain bike. Waiting for a blessing of money to come my way!!! After much thought, i have decided to buy my parts according to practicality. No point buy high-end equipment but not utilizing its full potential.
I like cycling :)) Though i still do not feel so confident cycling on the road, but HEY it is a learning journey.

I am looking at a road bike being a potential mode of transport in the future. Can save $$$ to buy a house, haha. Got to save money while spending on bike parts. In short, balance.

Right now i am feeling tired, but i do not feel like sleeping.

Justin Bieber doesn't sound too bad.

I am thinking of hitting a dessert buffet after exams :) 15 dollars for an hour. Probably with some classmates.

Oh yeah, GOT TO LEARN TO PLAY BASKETBALL. Planning to replace half of my gym routine with basketball. I have decided to focus on 3 aspects. Strength. Fitness. Reflexes.

How would it feel to have a girlfriend??

Of thoughts

Well, it can be said that my deepest thoughts and feelings cannot be posted here, for people still see this blog no matter the number.

As of now, i can't wait to go to church, it is a place where i am refreshed. My thoughts realigned in a sense. Indeed, fellowshipping with fellow believers is important. I like talking about God. Honestly :) In the church and with people who shares the same faith. Talking about God and what He did, is doing and will do in our lives is really edifying. I like having such conversations.

I still remember the times where we would relax in the jacuzzi, talking about God, about the girls we liked, about our problems. Those are the times i would very much like to revisit.

In the sea of confusion, i will focus on the lighthouse that will lead me home :)

My goal for this life

After church yesterday, i had a long walk with Summit. It was a time of talking about God, sharing of problems, helping each other out with issues we faced. It was an uber good time. Haha, we walked all the way back to Serangoon central.

My goal for my life on this world is to be a holy instrument for the Lord. I would like to be a chain-cutter. One who is blessed with the wisdom and understanding of God, whom God can use to cut the chains that prevents people from knowing God, trusting God, praising God extravagantly. This in my opinion is the best job i can have.

After reading an expose of megachurches by the Straits Times yesterday, this is what i feel.

Beyond all the rock-style worship, tithing by credit card, doctrinal differences, etc. God should if not must, be put first in all things.

You and me, we cannot understand the Bible which is God's word with a worldly mindset nor can we understand His kingdom in such a manner.

Christianity is not a cca, nor a super market one goes to. It is a personal relationship with God. We spend time with God, talk to God when we have problems, run to Him when we are oppressed. Simply put, He is a friend, a Father, a lover.

One thing i have realised, is that beyond everything, it is about our heart towards God.

Of Ip Man 2 and Racism

Ip Man 2 is a very very nice movie. The action and blurred punches, c.o.o.l.i.o.s.

Watching it got me super pumped up. Not just because of the heart-thumping action but also the emotions against racism resounding in me.

I admit that there are strands of racism in me, i am a harsh critic of myself. A single strand of racism is still racism, as much as there is no such thing as being a little pregnant. Be it PRCs, or Bangladeshi workers, the groups of people being at the receiving ends of racism, they still deserve as much respect as the next man/women.

One question i will ask myself when racism strikes in me is, "Are they not loved by the same God who loves me too?"

It is time for me to live out God's will. To love, not hate. To pray, not judge.

Of the past

Looking at some pictures about a particular girl, it came to my mind. Let what was not meant to be, to be truly forgotten.

I got to trust in God for that girl that is to come. For i want a love that does not degrade with time, the way i see it, it is only possible with God. When i have a relationship, it will be a love triangle. God, her and me.

As i told a good friend, let our hearts be mature first. I am not capable of love if i do not know it, nor experience it. I want to understand and appreciate the love of God. His love was and is always here, but whether i appreciate it is another matter.

I need and want to take off the sunglasses that makes me see superficially. For if i keep wearing the sunglasses i cannot see the true radiance of people that shines from within. For that true radiance defines that person.

I will just wait for that day when i can say that precious 3 words to the girl i was meant for.

With God guiding me, i will know which girl is meant for me, and i for her. I choose to find the girl by God's way, nor by the ways of the world. I choose certainty over possibilities of the "right" one.

My hobbies

Well, it has come to my recent realization that all my 4 hobbies have not seen much improvements in terms of the amount of time since i started with them.

Cycling, Japanese, Guitar, Gym

There is always a "what if i had been consistent". Well, i would be a muscular Japanese-fluent guitarist who cycles on rough terrain.

I have got to keep trying and trying for that breakthrough. And after i have it, try again for the next one.

Have been learning lots about the bicycle as a machine as a result of searching for bicycle parts, haha. Nice.

Never give up, never surrender. It is the attitude of a person striving for life. Do not need to be a spartan for that.

Our nature

Just pondering on some stuff today. Hmm, i really like to be a pastor or rather a teacher of God's truth. It is not the post that matters but how much i am willing to go to teach someone.

It is our human nature to feel anger, lust and all kind of funky, weird stuff. For me that does not serve as a valid excuse, nor does it for anyone borned again in Christ. For are we not given the ability to say, "Yes, it is my human nature to feel such feelings, BUT it is also my nature as one set free in Christ to feel the other way."

Hmm, i can't wait to buy a new bicycle or build one up from parts for that matter. I really do need to seek God on this one, I do not want to spend on it only to regret. If He does not want me to buy a bicycle, i won't then. I prayed about it, so it is now in God's hands :)

Oh, i am wondering if i should go to Kushinbo this Friday after exams. so temptingly delicious.

Arr, He is good.

Yesterday was a mixture of many disheartening events. A few things happened that weighed my emotions down.

But right now, thinking about yesterday. I realised God cheered me up in a tangible way.

I messaged 2 friends to go cycling in the night. And they agreed !!! One notable fact is that I have been asking them for a rather long time to no avail, haha. And they agreed readily yesterday :)

Right now, i am filled with joy and a zest for life once again, hehe. Situations in this world takes you down, but God has only one intention of bringing us up, up, up.

Riding

Yesterday's night ride with Kenneth Quek was nice!! Thank God for a protected night :)

It went as such, set off for his house at 9pm. Reached at around 9.12pm, guess i am a cautious cyclist :) Cycled past RJC, gosh, quite a big JC. MacRitche reservoir at night had a different beauty from day. I wanted to take a photo but seeing my phone had only a bar of battery left, i captured the image in my memory :)

On the way, after getting down an overhead bridge, i realized i left my pouch opened. My handphone was missing. I did not feel panicky but was thinking, "oh man, my contacts, how my club is going to contact me, etc, etc." And Kenneth being a good friend, thought i was joking. He called my handphone and THANK GOD someone picked it up, haha. The girl who picked it up was just like 10 metres away from us? I lost my choco puff, the one with a marshmellow center but it's okay, haha.

Other highlights of the ride was finding a cool stunt park at Bishan, cheap and tasty kway chap and of course the ride itself.

Ahhh, i like cycling. Health benefits, bonding with friends, great sceneries, good food, memorable experiences. The times of a black stallion :p

Thank God for His protection :))

Wants and commitments

Hmm, thank God for the Ang Baos :)

I got 2 things that i want to buy, a mountain bike of my own and an acoustic guitar. 2 ways to get it is the scholarship money or working at Universal Studios on Sundays. If possible, i will do both. The only thing is i am packed for Year 3. For some reason, i am involved in Youth Olympics Games and i need to go for training. Academics and Final Year Project. The Cyclist club is getting started on the right lane, haha, need to put effort in it. Going to serve in Church. And the cherry on top is my decision to go work.

Also i need to buck up on my guitar, Japanese language and cycling skills. Well well, it is going to be one enriching year :)) Oh yeah, almost forgot, GYM !!

Going to count on God for everything, stop worrying and start "faithing". I got to stop dwelling in TV and Internet, i have been saying that for a long time now, got to take a course of action.

Kaiji is coming to Singapore. Yui is singing. Russell is going to watch it.

Tired.

I think this is the 4th time i have been sick within a year. First, it starts with a sore throat then i get the full package of flu, fever and cough.

My walk with God is very much shaky, do not really want to talk about it. Feels crappy, thoughts are like a roller-coaster, up, down, positive, negative.

Man, i am super way back in school work. It is kinda ironic, seeing that my life is not that sedentary, but i get sick more often than an otaku.

Well, I am thinking of picking up drums. I have little talent for music and seem to be struggling with guitar as it is.

I really need to hear from God. Or i might be out of the race.