SURGE Searching Serving Soaring RIGHT NOW

Came back from camp 2 hrs ago.

Camp was super fun and God-centered. Arrgh, missing it already, the pool games , mud games, water bomb war, service , sharing of room, pasting my face to the kaya, super lol. IT WAS SO GOOD AND EXCITING. I cant wait for next year man! This camp really reignited my passion to serve God. God told me that if i were to use guitar as a tool to serve him, he WILL bless me in that area. Gotta work hard yo.

Then, then, then during service Brother Darren prayed over me, I cried like dunno what to say, the gush of emotions, it was God touching, SO long since i felt that way. Worshipping God is THE BEST, going to the next level to worship and praise him.

Made many frens, uber tall David, funny Benjamin, gymnastic Daniel, gung-ho Jared and so so many many more. Not gonna lose contact with you guys, precious friendship and fellowship. Gonna treasure those precious memories we have tgt.

Ya and Bro Darren and Bro Robin gonna go to other sections to be leaders, gonna miss you two, all that heart to heart talk, sob sob sob... But IT'S ALL GONNA BE GOOD yeah!!!

Next year, mixed cell, well, cant talk as freely and act as crazy when we were just boy's cell, BUT you never know we might have more fun, OH YES! Gonna miss Chester and Gabriel, funny peeps see you in AF in 3 yrs time, yeah.

Soaking in the presence of God is just the best thing in the world ever. You never know till you experience it.

LOVE YOU GOD, GLORY TO YOU FOR ALL THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE IN MY LIFE, I PRAISE YOU AND WORSHIP YOU TO THE HIGHEST!!!

Pushing the intangible boundaries

Well, this 2 days i have been sleeping over at Joshua Isaac's house. It was really an enriching time, we debated about the word of God and I have decided to be independant in what i do.

In the past, if no one were to follow me to the gym, i wouldn't go, always needed someone to be there, to accompany me if i were to go running and all. In the gym i would always limit myself to the weights i do, instead of breaking comfort boundaries. Same for guitar, always relying on pp to teach me.

Well, i have started being independant, training by myself, pushing myself to new levels and learning guitar by myself. If i were to depend on pp, i wont grow to my full potential that God blessed me with. I will ALWAYS depend on God, for unlike pp, he is ALWAYS there.

Pp always say its good to be independent, for pp wont always be there to watch our back, but God. He is always there watching our back, head, legs, mind, soul. So we can be fully dependent on him yo.

Its church camp on Sunday, hiahia, cant wait. Well, i know she aint going to be in my group but its Ok, i will be focused on God.

Gonna get my haircut tmr, oh God, i pray i get a nice hairstyle, been wanting one for 4 years.

Looked at my passport photo recently, 2 years ago, my face was smooth like a baby's bottom.

Doing facial now. Dont judge me yo, i aint gay, i am metrosexual. The number of pimples on my forehead counts for the whole population of Singapore.

Again

Saw her in and after service again, feeling a little... hmm.. i dun really know how to put it. Just felt sad that i missed such a good girl.. again. Tried not to look at her, lest those feelings come back.

Well, the holidays started and i am got things planned out. God--Guitar--Japanese--Gym--and bonding with friends. Yeah these are the main ones. Gotta start chionging guitar, need to improve for many reasons. Found this awesome vid, well if u like anime and guitar that is.

Giving up the girl I like

Know that I said I would post only on 5th Dec, but just needed to get something off my chest.

Today, during service, the sermon was about pleasing God and seeking what put a smile on His face, casting all thing that displeases Him and distractions. Certain topics was touched on, including obsession with manga, secular music. Till it came to boy-girl relationships.

I remembered telling God that if the time came for me to give up my feelings for her, that He would tell me. I think that sign came today. Some might think that whether I give up or not is of not much matter since she is already leaving, but it's much deeper. Those close to me who knows my situation knows it's much deeper.

It's difficult to give her up. Yeah, the irony being she dun even know me, but she is someone whom i think is great, and one of a kind.

In my life up till now, only 2 girls have that impact on me. To make me want to look at her forever, to be ridiculously shy and stupid when she is around, make my heart flutter rapidly and just being near her makes me happy and excited and nervous at the same time. And she is one of them.

At the altar, I asked God, why did He make me fall head over heels, legs, thighs, ankles and feet for her when in the end she is leaving. As Brother Darren prayed for me and I walked up to my seat, I finally understood why.

The 2 girls that I liked in the past shared the same thing in common. They had no idea who on earth i was, yeah, that sad. But though we never had any interaction, they both impacted me greatly. The first one had me picking up Japanese and guitar, and the present one had me decided on being a better person, the best God meant for me to be in fact. A better person for God and for the girl He plans for me.

I can say that God put these experiences in my life to make me grow as a person and in Him.
I do not know if i can ever find another girl who moved me like she did but i have to give my feelings for her up.

Just wanna say that you are the best girl i ever met in my life, I pray that you will meet someone who loves you unconditionally and u will have a God-centered relationship.

Thank you. Take care. God bless.

Till later

Well i wont be posting until 5th of december, that's when my exams end. It's all too stressing and depressing right now. Homework, exams, exams' preparations, she leaving. It's all too much, just too much right now. Cant handle it by myself, gonna rely on God through this time of trial. Pray for me yo. Signing off, peace out till later, aight.

Dreamy guy

Today while transiting on the Mrt, listening to my China-made-imitation Mp3 (aint rich yo), i went into dreaming mode. I day-dreamed about being in a Christian Japanese band where we change the lyrics of cool Jap songs with Christian's one. In my dreamy mind, it was awesome, i was speaking fluent Jap like no one's business, haha, uber cool. God, guitar, japanese, all the things i like doing all at once. Must achieve it yo. Need to start finding band members who LOVES God and Japanese stuffy. Haha, gonna be hard, I am the only one I know so far.

Guess who was in the audience....

Yeah, her.

Today was a gruelling day 4 by 4 hours of lectures separated by an hours break, man, who is the sadistic teacher who planned this tuesday's timetable. He/She needs a little counselling. Hehe. I prayed to be awake, a fresh mind and the ability to understand what the teacher is saying, and God being faithful, answered my prayers. :))

Will posts pics of the cycling trip on sunday to Upper Pierce Reservoir as soon as i get them. Yeah, half naked. Only me though, the wind against your body when zooming down the steep slope at mark 3 is nice and its a good way to get tanned while exercising.

Yosh, gonna practise guitar now, time to up my skill level, hehe. Tmr no school, BANZAI!!!

Secret blown

Today after cell, we went to singpost to go and eat, and she was there too. My cellmates kept doing actions that hinted at me liking her. In short, i think she knows. When asked if someone were to like her as she was going overseas, and how she would feel, she said "nothing". I have no idea what to feel towards that response. Why do I like a girl whom i have no guts or courage to even say hi to. Guess liking somebody has no basis for reasoning, I am gonna miss her but not sure for how long. Hopefully not 1 and a half years like my previous crush, that is too painful yo.

God, please give me courage to speak to the girl i like.

Every memory I have of you is liking you. If only you knew...

Getting over and moving on

Well, it still is sad that she will be leaving for quite a long time, but the ache is residing in a sense. I know that God has someone in store for me and i have to trust in that, but letting her go is still not so easy. I am not gonna give up but rather become a better man for her, and improve on my guitar skills for that song i wanna sing to her, yeap i aint giving up the good fight. If she ever come back, i wanna get ready, i will just take this 4 or 5 years as time for improvement. God bless.

Well today was the painting of the waves, got my hands rather dirty. In my opinion, i did a good job, some concurred some rejected, oh wells haha. Sorry i cant take pics, haven got a decent camera yet, maybe i will snatched from Maxine's blog (ssshhhh..) Had fun overall, and most importantly, we served God. Amen.

And today I received a new motivation for playing the guitar to the next level for me. I really hate (dai kirai desu) it when pp stereotyped me and my guitar. They think because i didnt progress from classical or acoustic to electric but rather dived straight into electric, i wont have a strong foundation and wont play that well. Well, its time to prove them wrong and be a testimony that with God's blessing, i WILL play better.

In my opinion and some others, its not about your talent or what u start off with entirely but rather your diligence and consistency in practising your instrument, at the end of the day, a quote from a show, "diligence and hardwork can surpass even a genius", guess we have to take it in every aspect of our lives. Do not rely on your talent but rather on God to bring you to the next level yo. For me guitar is 50% enjoyment, 50% serving God, i am not gonna be pretentious and say 100% serving God, He would want me to be true to myself yo.

I am gonna practise and with the help of God and my frens, i will be a testimony. HAHA. Ikusou, mina-san!


My girlfren. hehe
Me posuing(ignyte hoodie included)


Tomorrow is gym in a long time, cant wait, push it to the MAX!!!!!

I will wait for you........

News she is leaving. Ask God why.

Guys, gals or whoever reading this, today is a sad and bad day for me.

The girl i liked is going to New Zealand to study, college and uni, in other words, a long long time.
I cant even see her once a week from January onwards, my only connection to her "brutally" cut. I dunno why this is happening again. For those who know my secondary school crush, she left without knowing i even existed, now it is de ja vu for this case.

None of my crushes ever worked out, well this 3rd one is striked out, way out. But i guess its mostly my fault, I never had the courage to approach the girl to say hi, i am too useless. Lack of self-confidence, my achilles heel.

All the while, i have only been looking at her during service in church, admiring how pretty she is, how she talks and how she smiles. Her smile is soothing so to speak. I keep talking about her to my homies and cell mates but never dared to say hi. Now she is going away, not knowing who i am. You guys would think that this is the final stretch and i should go all out, but sorry, the courage aint coming by a long shot.

On the train, on the bus, i would daydream about us being frens, how she would talk to me about her problems and hanging out and stuff. And if God permits, maybe becoming something more. I dun ask for much, just being a good fren of hers would be enough. I wanna protect her you know, be there when she is sad and share her happiness. Protect her with my strength and comfort her when she is down in the dumps. But i guess that aint happening.

Smsed a fellow fren, she replied maybe God planned another sweet one for me but have not appeared yet. I dunno, not that i dun have faith in God, but i would really like to experience true love now. Too dramatic eh. But i have faith God knows best.

The worst part i guess is not feeling as heart-broken as i should. For my second crush, i cried and emoed for 3 days, and kept a momento from her for a year. Yep, that serious. Maybe its because i dun really know her.

Still remembered when my cellmates egged me on to stand beside her after service. I stood there 5 cm apart. I felt... happy. When she walked past me, it was beyond words, awesome. I wanted to know her more for who she is, and who she was in God. I foolishly thought i had many years to prepare myself for that but like all things that comes and goes, something like this unpredictably happened. Why? I have no clue.

I thought of playing the guitar and sing a love song or two, and she is in the crowd, and at the best part of the song, give her a look and maybe she knows. Guess it is too much eh, but what can i do? I always daydream about that senario.

Now all i can do in my capacity, is just to look at her as much as i can, before she goes to New Zealand. My love stories are all crappy so to speak. I wanna give her what i can, but it is just aint possible eh.

I am thinking of waiting for her, and in these few years i make my best effort to be a better guy for her. But chances of it are slim, if i cant do it now, what more a few more years.

Well, if she ever read this post, just wanna tell you i like you and i pray for your safety and an intimate relationship with God wherever u go. If you ever meet a guy u like, ask God first, he knows best and just know i will be happy for you too. May the blessings of God be upon you always and to the end of time.

Every moment i will be liking you.

La La Land

Today was aight, managed to survived 6 hours of lectures, transiting between comatose and reality. Gotta sleep earlier yo. Managed to snag a seat on the North-East line, so cozy and the air-con, drifted off to sleep and bumped my head on the other guy many times. Haha, pretended to be asleep, too embarrassed to say sorry.

Too much homework stacked up, and i cant seem to get started, frustrating to the max yo.

Was planning to do the homework, but was msning Clara about a Japanese sentence, one thing led to another and i ended up asking a lot more questions. Sorry for bothering you, u are the 1st girl i know who is so patient, with me at least. In my eyes, u are like a Japanese expert regarding language. *21 arms salute*

B.t.w, the lack of gymming is kinda getting me moody in a sense. My gym partners are like growing in size and i am kinda the same.... I wanna get bigger yo. I need to start training by myself and not rely on others if i wanna get the gains.

Saw Fight Science on OKTO, it. is. Awesome. Showing how any normal average person can defend him/herself in a suprise attack, aiming the weak points, neck, eyes, pelvis(the bladder area) and ears. But only in drastic situations, yeah, these attacks are lethal. So if you peeps get attacked, just "hum tum" the person man, just whack those areas like mad. Whack and run. Dun whack and whack. Unless you are seriously sadistic.

This saturday, will be cycling with 4E6 homies and some frens to upper pierce reservoir, meeting at 7am. Good times to be relived again, cant wait!!! And yes, without u asking, i will be cycling half-naked again, not on the way there (who does that???) but at the reservoir itself, lesser pp. Will post pics with Josh.I camera. Maybe some with us half-naked, yes, us. Not for the faint-hearted, haha :) -_-

Gotta do at least some homework. See ya later alligator.

Tired

Today woke up late, missed GEMs, shouldnt have slept at 2 am, bad call.

Took the train and it broke down at Queenstown, came in late for lab practical by 30 minutes.

Went for Japanese lesson at 5.30pm, headache started to set in.

All in all, it was an eventful day, thanks to God i managed to finish the day in one piece both physically and mentally. Yeah tmr, Bleach new episode coming out, the story is getting more exciting, expecting some serious action, in this case girl is kicking guy's butt. Cant wait for this friday, its time to paint the waves, 4 more days yo. Yesterday, a girl called me sweet, for reasons i dun wanna tell but hey, i dun think i deserve your compliment... not now at least.

How does it feel to have a girlfriend, have no idea, just gonna leave it to God. He knows best, hehe.

Too tired now, gotta do Jap hw and sleep, tmr long day again, skipping gym to do homework, sob. I wanna train. Bye B.

All in a day's slackness

Today was productive in all the wrong ways yo. Studied my Japanese and practised my guitar but I did not revise my modules or do any of its homework. WAH, getting me to study its like studying nuclear science with the mentality of a primary school kid. I need to get motivated. It's imperative.

Woke up, Sanjay came to pass me the phone battery. Haiz, problem=battery loose. One knock, auto off. Warui keitai (bad phone). I need a good phone, one that can listen to many songs and take good photos. I dont have much money for a camera yo. Going to ask God for one, haha. Hey, if u never try, u never know.

Sanjay played my guitar, he gotten real good with it, groving to the beat and all, bluesy tune. After he left, I started practising. And something u should know, when i play the guitar I am kinda menopausal (no offense to you girls, but I cant think of a better word), sometimes I play Ok, sometimes I am missing the notes in bulk. Today was the latter, and I got real fustrated. I immediately prayed to God for guidance, and after a while, I was grooving Ok, Oh Yeah. Then I started strumming, the sound made me wanted to puke, literally, I got queasy. I found the problem, the guitar was untuned. So basically to sum it up, guitar->untuned->Rasseru Kurosaki-> vomit. (Rasseru Kurosaki is my jap name, dun laugh, i am proud of it yo) I must really be a full-fledged guitarist to react so strongly to an untuned guitar, hehe.

I am going to audition for worship ministry in 2 years time, with God and the help of all the pp teaching me guitar.　どうもありがとうございます。 (thanks a lot)

Kenneth came to my house to study and do math. Well, u know how this story will end. Yeah, he did some work and i went to sleep. I am seriously motivated for the wrong things.

Oh yeah, since I didnt go to gym. I did 105 push-ups and many sit-ups. By the way, it's not the quantity u do but the quality of the sit-ups u do that grows your abs. Just squeeze your abs at the peak of the movement. For those who dun know.

Target for gymming-> Will Smith.
I am not aiming for the blur look on his face. More definition on the body and that is my goal.

Took a pic of my weights, looks like a bull eh? The weights of rage. Rawrrr (if it's lame, dun say it)
Tomorrow, school from 8am to 7.30pm, i cant help but complain, but it's the 5th week so it's not so bad. Well, pocket money increases by 4 dollars :))

Anyone (girl or boy, dun really matter) who wanna go to the gym with me, just call me yo. Sayounara.

Subarashii ( fantastic, awesome)

Woke up at 12.02pm today, nice sleep yo. Slacked until it was time to head to church, its hard to try to do homework, se-hi-riiiously.

Started with gel, Joseph had us write on a piece of paper we took out what we tot our cellmates grown in various areas and what we pray they would grow in. Hehe, quite a few pp say i have to have more confidence in myself and more self-esteem, i know what u guys are hinting at. I will say hi to her...... in 2 years time.

Awesome worship, totemo sugoi (very fantastic) sang my heart out to God and praised him to highest yo. I sang off a few times, haha, think u guys should know by now, i sing like a broken mp3, but its all cool. Dun even know what key i am singing in, must be the wrong one, best thing is God doesnt mind one bit.

Pp who talked to me about her, i always replied that i am not good enough for her. She is too good for me in my opinion. I wanna be her friend, her confidant someone she opens her heart to but i guess it is too much to expect eh. If God permits it to progress, YOHOO.
But during worship, God said "You are worthy for her", it's like WHAT? I told Josh Sim and Rufus immediately, haha, too excited. But still i dun think i will have the courage to approach her. Curse you, pimples on my forehead. Ok, i dun really curse.

I can only look at her from afar, not in a stalker sense but yeah. Guys, please dun mention her name, if she knows, Sunday service here i come yo. I wanna get to know her, i dun want my liking for her to be just skin deep, though i feel that there is something more to her, a good girl is all i can say. Guess that is the reason why i like her. When she smiles, she really smiles. Yeah, haha.

Those who dunno how she look like or her name, dun bother asking me, I am not going kiss and tell, HAHA. This STAYS in the church yo. One of the many reasons i train in the gym, is to protect her, i know i know, too many Bleach and Naruto eh. But that is how i feel. :)

Went to Habib house with Josh and Sanjay to collect my free phone, HAIZ, its not working, *prays* it is just the battery problem, all will be known tmr i guess.

I need a camera, i wanna post photos Arrgh. Cant wait for church camp, the excitement is SURGING in me. Ciaossu.

Tanoshii desu yo ( jap for fun)

Today school at 8 am, thanks for the invention of coffee I managed to stay conscious. 4 hours of Introduction to Engineering, had to build a car using Tamiya parts(yeah, Tamiya, the nostalgia), quite cool with all the auto stopping and all. Went into overdrive with my team, gotta get it 100 % running. Thank God for a good team.

Rushed to Trinity at 3.15 pm with all the card box sweating like a broken tap. cooled down with Maxine at Hans while she mugged. Met with all the peeps and started planning. Had to make fierce waves to represent the camp's theme, haha, i suggested the parting of the Red Sea and the drowning Egyptians but it was too much carnage I guess. We planned and cut out the waves, had total fun with it making jokes and all. Now for some reasons, the girls think I am gay with Zhi He and Joshua, one for morning and one for night.... -_-""

YO, i am so straight i make a pole look curved.

But it was all fun man, hanging out with them was like a comedy with Charlie Chaplin.

Headed home with Josh and rendevous with Habib, had one of those heart to heart talks about our lives and some backstabbers and horrible partners to work with. Arr, love talking with them. It is like talking to good friends who wont judge you, it's like we are from the same mother. Really. Habib is definitely changed, glad to see it.( but please cut down on your vulgarities buddy) I am asking him for fashion tips, YES that big a change. LOL

Really worried about her finding out i liked her. She is the flower, and i am the dung on which she is on. And she has no idea who i am, yeah, its that pathetic.

Well. draggy post but will liven it up with pictures soon yo. Habib, thanks for the phone u are about to give me for free.

Finally!!!

I FINALLY GOT IT. One thing to note when creating a blog is just to ask one right person, i went all over the place and spent 4 hours in avail, almost defected to wordpress. Thank you Clara for helping, sorry if you got irritated. I am quite retarded when it comes to computers.

Well, i am officially gonna blog now, at 12.37am. Historic moment, for me that is.

Tomorrow school at 8am, long train ride as usual, gonna "try" to revise on the way. Cant wait to go to church at 3.30pm and get my hands dirty. Church camp coming up yo. Gonna be decorating the service theatre , part of it at least. Gotta sleep now, ciaossu. Hmm, American Next Top Model is not a good show, half the time is spent in conflict, yeah randomness.

Blog?

Hmmm, this is my first time writing a blog, totally clueless. How to put in pictures, man. Where on earth is the tag board? How to change template? Guys hold on for 2 days while i get it up.