I am searching

About music

2010-12-19T00:32:00.002+08:00

I have no particular genre e.g. pop, rock that i favor over the rest. As long as it clicks with me, that is the song i like. The music, beat, rhythm are things that i look for in music, but more importantly are the lyrics. If a song has good music but bad lyrics i.e. vulgar, sexually explicit/suggestive, bad values, etc, i will listen for a few times then stop.

I believe music really does lift one's mood up or down. You are what you hear? Not sure if that is true.

At times i listen to secular music i.e. non-Christian songs for the beat. Haha, i would imagine myself singing in front of a crowd, who don't? Okay, there are some who don't.

The reason why i prefer the Christian genre most of the times, not sure if it is a genre in the first place is that hmmm, not sure how to put this in words. Okay, i guess i click with it? That the lyrics are beneficial in a sense that i relate to it somehow and it moulds me? Secular music on the other hand, I do enjoy it at times. It gets me "grooving", but other than that, there is nothing else really.

My 2 cents worth is that do not use music as an outlet for anger, as it does not solve your problem. It might provide a temporary relief but then again, temporary. It is better to settle the root of the problem.

Being content

2010-12-16T19:59:00.004+08:00

If i could say something on being content with what we have. These past days have been an eye opener.

It takes less than a minute to remember a wise saying, longer to understand it, and even longer to integrate it into our lifestyles. I am in between stage 2 and 3.

What i desire now is more clothes, a hairstyle that suits me, and other stuffs. But i am contented that i have clothes to wear, a head full of hair, a mother that cares for me, a father that does not abuse me. I am contented because i have these good things, not because someone else is worse off than me.

To feel contented because someone else is in a worse state just does not sit right with me. To feel contented because of appreciation is the way i am trying out now. 2 sentences come to my mind now.

"It is not how much you have that makes you happy, but how much you enjoy and appreciate that does"

"How can one be contented when greed is around"

We need to bear in mind that greed is not so easily distinguished, it could come in disguises.

When i got a cash award for my academics, i was rather disappointed. With Jehovah even. I was expecting over $1000 so that i can buy an acoustic guitar, and finish building my bike. Well, i got $200. I was feeling disappointed because i couldn't get what i want. I already had a bike and an electric guitar. I wanted a better bike even though i might not be going on rides that demanded one. I have yet to master my basic skills for guitar and i wanted an acoustic guitar.

When i decided to put off my plans till i had the money and need for them, i realised something. I did not feel such a financial stress upon me, i could spend more money on food :)))) and $200 suddenly seem to be quite a fair sum of money.

Displeasure with Jehovah suddenly became gratefulness. Reading Proverbs a few days back made me realised this. I am truly blessed, but why i feel the opposite at times is because of my choices.

Choosing to please others, choosing to be the object of attention, choosing to go after better things because others do. I am uncovering them one by one, and changing my mindset.

Proverbs 10:22 "The blessing of the Lord brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it."

It is not the blessing that is small, but the greed that is large.

Ain't going to think about it

2010-11-12T23:31:00.003+08:00

If it is one thing i know, thinking about the girl will only cause that feeling to increase. I ain't going down that road again, such feelings are unreliable. I am not going to consider a relationship unless i know God.

Got to focus on other things, yeap :)

Thoughts and a reminder

2010-11-06T13:13:00.004+08:00

God take me, claim me before the end of age.

With so many theories, opinions about you, i pray and hope that i will know the real You before I die. To talk to You, to hear from You as real as a friend is the best thing that can happen to me.

Guitar- Not for fame, not for glory, not for attention, not for girls.

For fun, for expression of my feelings, for people who enjoy what i play, and again for fun.

And when i have found God again, For God.

Should i ever lose sight of my reasons for playing the guitar, this shall be a reminder.

Recently, there are 2 songs that have gotten my attention. Not a fan of the lyrics, but the music and voices are good.

Charice - Pyramid [featuring Iyaz]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhT2HhEllpw&ob=av2e

Just a Dream Cover/Remix (Nelly)- Joseph Vincent & Jason Chen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qp0KaC90KIY

Of yesterday and today

2010-11-05T21:53:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was good, haha. It was my first time receiving so many compliments. I wore the shirt my brother gave me for prize presentation, he has good taste :)

When i saw my photo on the screen while going up the stage to take my award, the sentence, "Take the award, shake the hand, and walk down fast." kept repeating in my mind. Got a shock when i knew the photo on my admission card was going to be shown. I think most of our photos look like a criminal's mugshot. Honestly.

The food after presentation was good. Pizza Hut or KFC, thumbs up :)

Today was a good day too. I am improving in my guitar skills, thanks to daily practice, yeah man :) I am able to project simple melodies in my mind onto the guitar. It is going to get better.

Went swimming with Kenneth mid afternoon. We swam, we chat, we ate.

This quote struck me as a timely reminder. It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy and appreciate that makes us happy. True true.

My thoughts

2010-10-30T11:21:00.003+08:00

If familiarity causes us to take each other for granted, and insults becomes a way of bonding. I would rather us be acquaintances, or strangers who just met. At least we had a form of respect between us. I would continue saying my thanks, giving people the respect i would like to receive, i will try my best. It is not because we ain't close, just that i do not want to take you for granted. Being close does not mean we should stop respecting each other.

Though i might not have faith in God, or whether He is there. I am not going to hate God for that matter.

I will still search for God with a daily prayer.

Do not hate any part of yourself because the world deems it as ugly. The world's idea of beauty is flawed, ever changing with every tide. A beautiful person is one with a beautiful soul. That is my opinion.

I always believed that when it is time i will meet the girl i am destined for, where we will weathered the trials of this life together, strengthening each other, growing each other spiritually. Where the love between us will be ever increasing through the trials of times. This belief was based on the providence of God.

Now that my faith in God has diminished. I am not confident of being in a relationship or in a marriage for that matter. I do not want to be married only to be divorced or be strangers under one roof. No. If i am married, i want to be in love. In love not only for 2 or 3 years. But till my time is up on this earth.

I cannot handle the consequences of looking at you one moment more. I would be mesmerized by your physical beauty yet again. I would rather be captivated by your inner beauty. I am not confident of loving you till the end of my life. I will shut these feelings i have, and treat you like a friend.

About marriage

2010-10-09T00:21:00.003+08:00

I chanced upon this article about MM Lee's eulogy in Facebook, haha. I decided to read about it as i thought it could give me insight about a blessed marriage. It did. Their marriage is a testament that contrary to the negative view of marriages, there can be a "happily ever after".

My definition of "happily ever after" is by no means, not divorced nor strangers living under one roof. But rather, still in love with each other.

Why don't we see it that often? Maybe it is not that publicized or we probably think it is something that occurs naturally, even though we do not think in such a manner, our actions might prove otherwise. A couple need to work together to become an individual. As noted from the Bible, a man and a woman shall become one. Haha, come to think of it, God pretty much gave us the formula for a blessed marriage a long long time ago.

How can there be arguments in an individual? Or how can we hate our partner, would it not be the same as hating ourself ?

This "happily ever after" needs to be a conscious effort. To quote from MM Lee, "Over the years, she influenced my writing style. Now I write in short simple sentences, in the active voice. We gradually influenced each other's ways and habits, as we adjusted and accommodated each other. We knew that we could not stay starry-eyed lovers all our lives; that life was an ever on-going challenge with new problems to resolve and manage. "

What is our definition of "happily ever after"? What are our definitions influenced by? By the media? Or by the true essence of love?

I need a good boost

2010-09-27T19:13:00.002+08:00

One thing that you do not need while going through a testing of your faith is a testing of your body's immune system.

After going shopping with Habib around Sim Lim square, i developed a numb ache in my lower ache that exploded into a full body ache and fever. My digestive system then went into overdrive during the night. Haiz, i am getting sick way too often. I really really need the discipline to maintain proper sleeping patterns and a regular intake of anti-oxidants to boost my immune system.

I guess that a spiritual turmoil is worse than a physical one. I want to put my whole life into God's hand. Not out of a delusion that is self-conceived to fill up a void of insecurity but rather because He is real. Regardless of what creationist or evolutionist might have to say, i honestly would like to find out the answer for myself. Not be swayed by what the majority would say, or by other opinions. One can keep on arguing about the existence about God, but what convinces someone about His reality is a personal experience that is convicting.

I need to know, haiz........

Answers.

Of life thus far

2010-09-23T23:01:00.002+08:00

There is a sense of frustration when i am watching Korean drama with my mum. Not because she is hogging the TV but rather i feel indignant for the lead actress as she is bullied by her superior, "grandma" and other characters. I would like to have the power of invisibility and speed so that i can go in, slap the targeted people and zoom out :) But that is not going to solve anything much except douse the flame of anger in me, haha.

Today was rather fun, Mr Chua gave us a treat. He is really a good TSO, not because of the many treats he gave us but rather he goes beyond his role of duty and become a friend to many of us. It is a pleasure to have know my juniors, the year 2s, haha, it is funny to see how conspiracy theories of love go popping up at the slightest hint of affection.

This holiday is going to be busier than previous ones, it is better compared to fossilizing at home :)

With regards to my faith, i am going through a period of uncertainty. I know for a fact there is a god, but i still need to know it, know it. I won't be going to church for the time being, but i will still keep Jesus' teachings in mind. For honestly, it is through His teaching that i felt liberated, true freedom :) I would really like to meet Jesus. But what will i do if i really meet him, can i handle it? Haha, too many variables. Maybe i am blind to the answer in front of me.

I am fantasizing about what my future bike will look like :)

Just talking

2010-09-02T22:20:00.002+08:00

FCBE exam was a miracle, haha, brought last minute mugging to an epic new high. God's grace, but no excuse to be lazy.

Arrr, can't wait to buy my road bike and other items to upgrade my cross-country mountain bike. Waiting for a blessing of money to come my way!!! After much thought, i have decided to buy my parts according to practicality. No point buy high-end equipment but not utilizing its full potential.
I like cycling :)) Though i still do not feel so confident cycling on the road, but HEY it is a learning journey.

I am looking at a road bike being a potential mode of transport in the future. Can save $$$ to buy a house, haha. Got to save money while spending on bike parts. In short, balance.

Right now i am feeling tired, but i do not feel like sleeping.

Justin Bieber doesn't sound too bad.

I am thinking of hitting a dessert buffet after exams :) 15 dollars for an hour. Probably with some classmates.

Oh yeah, GOT TO LEARN TO PLAY BASKETBALL. Planning to replace half of my gym routine with basketball. I have decided to focus on 3 aspects. Strength. Fitness. Reflexes.

How would it feel to have a girlfriend??

Of thoughts

2010-07-27T22:24:00.001+08:00

Well, it can be said that my deepest thoughts and feelings cannot be posted here, for people still see this blog no matter the number.

As of now, i can't wait to go to church, it is a place where i am refreshed. My thoughts realigned in a sense. Indeed, fellowshipping with fellow believers is important. I like talking about God. Honestly :) In the church and with people who shares the same faith. Talking about God and what He did, is doing and will do in our lives is really edifying. I like having such conversations.

I still remember the times where we would relax in the jacuzzi, talking about God, about the girls we liked, about our problems. Those are the times i would very much like to revisit.

In the sea of confusion, i will focus on the lighthouse that will lead me home :)

My goal for this life

2010-07-18T11:37:00.002+08:00

After church yesterday, i had a long walk with Summit. It was a time of talking about God, sharing of problems, helping each other out with issues we faced. It was an uber good time. Haha, we walked all the way back to Serangoon central.

My goal for my life on this world is to be a holy instrument for the Lord. I would like to be a chain-cutter. One who is blessed with the wisdom and understanding of God, whom God can use to cut the chains that prevents people from knowing God, trusting God, praising God extravagantly. This in my opinion is the best job i can have.

After reading an expose of megachurches by the Straits Times yesterday, this is what i feel.

Beyond all the rock-style worship, tithing by credit card, doctrinal differences, etc. God should if not must, be put first in all things.

You and me, we cannot understand the Bible which is God's word with a worldly mindset nor can we understand His kingdom in such a manner.

Christianity is not a cca, nor a super market one goes to. It is a personal relationship with God. We spend time with God, talk to God when we have problems, run to Him when we are oppressed. Simply put, He is a friend, a Father, a lover.

One thing i have realised, is that beyond everything, it is about our heart towards God.

Of Ip Man 2 and Racism

2010-06-15T01:17:00.002+08:00

Ip Man 2 is a very very nice movie. The action and blurred punches, c.o.o.l.i.o.s.

Watching it got me super pumped up. Not just because of the heart-thumping action but also the emotions against racism resounding in me.

I admit that there are strands of racism in me, i am a harsh critic of myself. A single strand of racism is still racism, as much as there is no such thing as being a little pregnant. Be it PRCs, or Bangladeshi workers, the groups of people being at the receiving ends of racism, they still deserve as much respect as the next man/women.

One question i will ask myself when racism strikes in me is, "Are they not loved by the same God who loves me too?"

It is time for me to live out God's will. To love, not hate. To pray, not judge.

Of the past

2010-06-11T01:36:00.002+08:00

Looking at some pictures about a particular girl, it came to my mind. Let what was not meant to be, to be truly forgotten.

I got to trust in God for that girl that is to come. For i want a love that does not degrade with time, the way i see it, it is only possible with God. When i have a relationship, it will be a love triangle. God, her and me.

As i told a good friend, let our hearts be mature first. I am not capable of love if i do not know it, nor experience it. I want to understand and appreciate the love of God. His love was and is always here, but whether i appreciate it is another matter.

I need and want to take off the sunglasses that makes me see superficially. For if i keep wearing the sunglasses i cannot see the true radiance of people that shines from within. For that true radiance defines that person.

I will just wait for that day when i can say that precious 3 words to the girl i was meant for.

With God guiding me, i will know which girl is meant for me, and i for her. I choose to find the girl by God's way, nor by the ways of the world. I choose certainty over possibilities of the "right" one.

My hobbies

2010-06-09T13:00:00.004+08:00

Well, it has come to my recent realization that all my 4 hobbies have not seen much improvements in terms of the amount of time since i started with them.

Cycling, Japanese, Guitar, Gym

There is always a "what if i had been consistent". Well, i would be a muscular Japanese-fluent guitarist who cycles on rough terrain.

I have got to keep trying and trying for that breakthrough. And after i have it, try again for the next one.

Have been learning lots about the bicycle as a machine as a result of searching for bicycle parts, haha. Nice.

Never give up, never surrender. It is the attitude of a person striving for life. Do not need to be a spartan for that.

Our nature

2010-06-08T18:45:00.003+08:00

Just pondering on some stuff today. Hmm, i really like to be a pastor or rather a teacher of God's truth. It is not the post that matters but how much i am willing to go to teach someone.

It is our human nature to feel anger, lust and all kind of funky, weird stuff. For me that does not serve as a valid excuse, nor does it for anyone borned again in Christ. For are we not given the ability to say, "Yes, it is my human nature to feel such feelings, BUT it is also my nature as one set free in Christ to feel the other way."

Hmm, i can't wait to buy a new bicycle or build one up from parts for that matter. I really do need to seek God on this one, I do not want to spend on it only to regret. If He does not want me to buy a bicycle, i won't then. I prayed about it, so it is now in God's hands :)

Oh, i am wondering if i should go to Kushinbo this Friday after exams. so temptingly delicious.

Arr, He is good.

2010-04-13T16:14:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was a mixture of many disheartening events. A few things happened that weighed my emotions down.

But right now, thinking about yesterday. I realised God cheered me up in a tangible way.

I messaged 2 friends to go cycling in the night. And they agreed !!! One notable fact is that I have been asking them for a rather long time to no avail, haha. And they agreed readily yesterday :)

Right now, i am filled with joy and a zest for life once again, hehe. Situations in this world takes you down, but God has only one intention of bringing us up, up, up.

Riding

2010-02-26T17:34:00.002+08:00

Yesterday's night ride with Kenneth Quek was nice!! Thank God for a protected night :)

It went as such, set off for his house at 9pm. Reached at around 9.12pm, guess i am a cautious cyclist :) Cycled past RJC, gosh, quite a big JC. MacRitche reservoir at night had a different beauty from day. I wanted to take a photo but seeing my phone had only a bar of battery left, i captured the image in my memory :)

On the way, after getting down an overhead bridge, i realized i left my pouch opened. My handphone was missing. I did not feel panicky but was thinking, "oh man, my contacts, how my club is going to contact me, etc, etc." And Kenneth being a good friend, thought i was joking. He called my handphone and THANK GOD someone picked it up, haha. The girl who picked it up was just like 10 metres away from us? I lost my choco puff, the one with a marshmellow center but it's okay, haha.

Other highlights of the ride was finding a cool stunt park at Bishan, cheap and tasty kway chap and of course the ride itself.

Ahhh, i like cycling. Health benefits, bonding with friends, great sceneries, good food, memorable experiences. The times of a black stallion :p

Thank God for His protection :))

Wants and commitments

2010-02-16T11:39:00.003+08:00

Hmm, thank God for the Ang Baos :)

I got 2 things that i want to buy, a mountain bike of my own and an acoustic guitar. 2 ways to get it is the scholarship money or working at Universal Studios on Sundays. If possible, i will do both. The only thing is i am packed for Year 3. For some reason, i am involved in Youth Olympics Games and i need to go for training. Academics and Final Year Project. The Cyclist club is getting started on the right lane, haha, need to put effort in it. Going to serve in Church. And the cherry on top is my decision to go work.

Also i need to buck up on my guitar, Japanese language and cycling skills. Well well, it is going to be one enriching year :)) Oh yeah, almost forgot, GYM !!

Going to count on God for everything, stop worrying and start "faithing". I got to stop dwelling in TV and Internet, i have been saying that for a long time now, got to take a course of action.

Kaiji is coming to Singapore. Yui is singing. Russell is going to watch it.

Tired.

2010-01-21T17:52:00.002+08:00

I think this is the 4th time i have been sick within a year. First, it starts with a sore throat then i get the full package of flu, fever and cough.

My walk with God is very much shaky, do not really want to talk about it. Feels crappy, thoughts are like a roller-coaster, up, down, positive, negative.

Man, i am super way back in school work. It is kinda ironic, seeing that my life is not that sedentary, but i get sick more often than an otaku.

Well, I am thinking of picking up drums. I have little talent for music and seem to be struggling with guitar as it is.

I really need to hear from God. Or i might be out of the race.

CAMP IGNORMOUS WOOOOO!!!!

2009-12-17T21:40:00.004+08:00

WOAH, church camp was waaaa, i do not know how to say.

Experienced God's presence , renewed my love and dedication towards Jesus. It was awesome.

Leading my group Yellow Stallion 10 as an assistant group leader was superb. Thank God for the opportunity to lead and grow my fellow brothers and sisters :)) Oh yes, the camp was at Port Dickson, Tiara Resort in Malaysia. By God's blessing, i came up with a group cheer that had everyone laughing together, woots :))

Time of worship, service and closing in with God was a period of growth, understanding and knowing about my God. haha, I cried when leaders prayed over me. Yeah man, jumping, singing out loud, shouting to Jesus :)

Looking back at the time when i had depression and wanted to commit suicide. Though fear of death stopped me, there was a voice that said, "If you died now, you would miss out on all the possible good things in the future." I am convinced it is God's voice.

What are my good things? Beside God's provision and blessings in my life. Leading my fellow siblings in Christ, praising God for His salvation in me, laughing and enjoying time with my siblings are something that makes me want to say, "Thank you, God, for indeed without you, my life would not be life."

I have rededicated my life to Jesus again :)) It will be a commitment with Jesus by my side :)

Oh yeah, this group cheer, i am going to put it up here :)

Yoyoyo, this is a pseudo-rap that will end as soon as it starts.
We are company Stallion
Fierce as a lion
Yellow division
Of His Holy nation
Platoon number 10
10 upon 10
Fullness in Christ
Children of God
Given His gospel to...
PREACH IT!!!

Praise God for the inspiration :))

So many fun, awesome things happened in the camp, so so many yo.

Thank you, God, for these good things will not be possible without you in my life.

another level of growth

2009-12-07T17:59:00.003+08:00

Went for camp group leaders' meeting yesterday, it was good :)

I want to grow my members spiritually, aiding them in their relationship with God. But i won't do this by my knowledge but by my Lord's wisdom. I do not know how it is going to turn out, but i will commit every speech, action and thought to God.

I want to go to a deeper level of faith, trust and love in God.

He has been giving me many leadership positions this year, haha, it is growing me :)

Oh and Saturday was transition exercise, it was rather ironic. I was out of the "brotherhood" and into a new cell last year. And now, i am out of the "new" cell into the "brotherhood", haha. But as Joshua said, it is for a purpose. Agreed :)

But either way, we are still one big family whom i treasure :)

Oh, and today was EID test, praise God :))

It is tiring but God will provide

2009-11-06T23:18:00.002+08:00

Having these commitments are rather taxing, worrying about proposals, worrying about trainings. Worrying about what committee members will think of me.

I cast my worries unto God, for He cares for me. Done. It is not an act of irresponsibility but rather a command from God.

Lately, doubts and questions keep popping into my head, on top of many concerns. I am going to trust in God to deliver me out of it.

Hallelujah :)

2009-10-20T23:30:00.002+08:00

Gotta praise God :)

Things are turning for the better in the club. Today's meeting was so much lively, people started to speak up more. Discussion has certainly become more active, and there are more participation in the club matters. Really, God has answered my prayers :)) Someone i thought was quiet made suggestions during the meeting. Pleasantly Surprised !!! Happy day, Happy day.

God blessed me in another area with regards to the club. *secret*

The Solar Powered Vehicle Competition at NP today was really an enriching experience. And i just realised.... i forgot to take pictures.... but... a video on a test run i did take :) Enjoy. But erhh.. the first 10 seconds or more shows the car being charged by the floodlights :)

Really looked like some extra-terrestrial scene eh ???

Track built by us (ITP students)

Cherry-O :>>

Gonna rise above all this stress !!!

2009-10-11T21:15:00.003+08:00

I got a shock from the last meeting. I found out that i will becomethe president for the club when term starts, not the next academic year. Shocking !!!

I am not sure if my fellow club mates will be supporting me, sacrificing their time for the club. For some reason, i was the only year 2 in the meeting.... Unlike Rambo, a one-man show is hard to achieve in reality... There are so many things that need to be settled, but not many people settling them... I am used to hearing from people that i am too stressed up, but Nooooo... Most of the time, they are too relaxed!!

While doing time alone with God today, i was asking God how am i going to do this. He said, "I am enough..." I am going to see by faith and count on God!!!

On top of this, i got to juggle between being the class chairman, academics, church commitments, etc. I am not going to grumble. I have faith that God is using these to make me into a better man :) If a gold ore is not refined through the fire, how can pure gold be obtained?

I will be signing up for water baptism :))

Woots. Saw my fellow people :>

2009-09-30T23:09:00.002+08:00

Woots!

Heading home on the train yesterday, i saw a group of school girls chatting. Looking closer, they seemed to be Japanese, and it was confirmed after hearing them speak :>

I felt like fainting from being so blessed. Haha. Had no idea what they were talking about, gotta improve on my language skills!! Kept hearing "yasumi", which means holiday.

Thank God :> Though i am unable to go to Japan presently, i am able to have the chance of seeing and hearing real-life Japanese people :) Makes me want to improve more and faster!!!

Help?

2009-09-25T23:47:00.002+08:00

Just need to rant a little.

I feel like I am "alone" in the cyclist club sometimes. Not that i do not have friends there, i am pretty much integrated with them? Just that during meetings, i seem to be the only one talking, giving ideas.

During the recent meeting, it was pretty much the same scenario over again. I talked like 95 percent of the time, while others kept pretty much quiet. I really do not like such a situation. I would like people to be spontaneous, throwing out ideas, to learn, and try to do things outside of their comfort zones.

I pray to God that there will be a change in the cyclist club. People bonding, having fun, spontaneity, willingness to learn, being proactive and seeking to lead. I can't do this alone, I need God and the help of my fellow club mates.

Let go

2009-09-16T19:35:00.002+08:00

I do not want to care, i do not want to think.

Anything that frustrates me, i will just block out of my mind. I wanna enjoy the time i have, instead of nonsensical thinking.

Be it people, issues, anger or worries. I do not want to care, i do not want to think. Just not worth my time.

Just. Let. Go.

It is time to enjoy.

Flying high above all these things, and see the light for what it truly is. Not covered by a mirage nor a facade.

A beast

2009-09-14T19:38:00.005+08:00

I once punched a classmate on his shoulders because he put the 4-letter vulgarity with a girl whom i liked in the past in a sentence. (a sense of rage just came over me) That was the most the beast ever came out. I wanted to go all out, but i know it was unwise to do so.

I still remember the fights i had with my brother when we were young. When one of us did wrong to the other, it was an all out fight. There was no restrain upon us whatsoever. My face totally changes during those fights, or when i get angry. I think i would have gotten scared if i looked into a mirror and saw how much i changed. My brother and I have gotten out of that phase, praise God.

I hardly let the beast out nowadays. But there are rare times, i just want to let it out. Screaming madly, punching sand bags, letting loose for a while. But punching walls? I am angry, but not to the extent i would go ballistic and hurt myself.

The most nowadays, i would just rant and pray and not think about it. The more we think about it, the angrier we get, blowing things out of proportions.

Do not get me wrong, i do not have a violent tendency, just an average human being.

But under those spectacles, lies something that is sealed by God's truth. Reminds you of Naruto eh?

I do not want to use my strength for violence. It should build others up, not hurt them in any way.

As with other cases of anger, it will subside after 2 or 3 days :))

But SERIOUSLY, you should change. I can't be reminding you over and over again, just to hear you say sorry yet again. I remind you so that you can change, not to hear "sorry".

Girlfriend

2009-09-11T19:52:00.004+08:00

The title is misleading :> This might be a long post without pictures, i wont be bothering about language today, haha. straight from the heart.

The reason why crushes are called crushes are that they really crush you, be it taking a toil on my physical health, or torturing my emotional being. As such i have been crushed 3 times, and i guess u would have known by previous posts. It is sometimes too much to handle pining for a girl, what she is doing, not having the guts to go talk to her. It's too much for me.

Recently, girls are distracting me too much. Kinda frustrating... Anyways, as each day goes by, i find how unprepared i am to be in a relationship. I will just wait till God finds the right time, even though in my heart, i yearn to show my love and affection to a girl. (stop puking, i am a sentimental guy) I might be a battery without a bulb. But whether is it a battery that has a short lifespan or leaking or defective, is something that worries me.

It is my prayer to God that she and I will be right in His eyes when we meet. Recently, i just realised what i prayed for. It would mean i could wait for a long time before i get into a relationship. But it's OK, because it is gonna be the best one :>

Guitar takes my mind of certain issues/stuff. The issues/stuff are being girls. I bought my guitar for close to 2 years now. But due to inconsistent practice, i am still very much an amateur. I am gonna focus on it.

On hindsight, my brother having the handsome gene is in a way a good thing for me. Girls are not attracted to me like my brother, hehe. so i dun have to bother about such stuff. And no, i am not deceiving myself.... i was thinking as i was showering and i came to a conclusion that it is a good thing especially in this issue i am facing. And yes, i am thinker, i think whenever, wherever, however?

So peeps, i have a "girlfriend". She has a head, a neck and a body :)

It's time i stop neglecting my guitar.

It was saturday yesterday.

2009-08-23T12:59:00.004+08:00

During service, I was going through a spiritual turmoil. The accumulation of doubts about God reached its peak, with nothing happening even at the altar call, i was this close to giving up, ending the walk.

Wanted to talk to Joshua, but he had problems of his own to talk with Bro. Andre. I dun blame you, haha. But thankfully, Sanjay was there. Through him, i was brought out from the cesspool of doubts. Sanjay can be serious at times, just got to..... wait. HAHA. As such, I AM BACK :)

On a less serious note, went to Astons for the first time yesterday. The chicken is juiiiccccyy, tender and flavourful. Though it had quite a bit of burned bits, i still ate it. In other cases, it would be a no-no. Burned bits contain cancer-causing things, you see. I am health conscious at times :)

It is definitely cheaper and tastes better than Botak Jones. Though i have an issue with the portion. Yes, rather big guy, reasonably big appetite, but small wallet. I would go there again, if my wallet gives the go-ahead.

Hmm, i want to talk about a certain love issue. But from my previous experience that ended on a rather awkward note, i will keep this issue to a certain few.

The walk with God is not without trials nor its emotional/mental/spiritual turmoils. But we can count on Him to continue His good work in us :)

A prophesized Victory :)))

2009-08-17T23:13:00.005+08:00

I feel so weary in this war with procrastination. I set my mind to do something, be it work or practice, but at the end of the day i accomplished nothing. I feel that i have wasted time that could and would have been put to better use. I do not like that feeling. Nonetheless, i am still NOT gonna give up, there will be a breakthrough :)

And now another spiritual warfare is raging, it is time to lean on God, once again. Got to strengthen my faith, Jesus is my refresher :) A faith so strong that even when the world doubts against God, it still stands unshaken. A faith that is untainted, that comes from Jesus.

My heart cries out... "I need to feel your presence, Lord"

Giganto Amphibiano

2009-08-15T12:14:00.002+08:00

Long time since I blogged...

Well, yesterday was a good day. Our solar-powered amphibian car managed to float and run slowly on water. It won 2nd place in a land racing competition with other solar-powered cars. All glory to God :)

With permission from the team, it is named Giganto Amphibiano. Made it sound Italian or Spainish? A little exotic flavour, hehe.

Chao Jing said something that made me want to praise God. :)) It is because of you, Lord, that it is made possible in me. WOOOOOTS !!!

Went to see Mr. Jacob with regards to many aspects of the cycling club, it is time to make the club active and fun :) I got to be a better, efficient and impactful leader :)

I got to practise guitar regularly, gonna form a practice band with members from cyclist club after the holidays, so gonna up my skill level :) When people asked if i play the guitar, i would answer " i am learning to play", with God's blessings i hope to answer "YES" in the near future. Gotta buck up on my Japanese since i stopped going for Japanese classes. Though i quit the lessons, i plan to take my JLPT 3 on 6th December, gonna get me a certificate yo :)

Exams are looming dangerously near, gotta rush those procrastinated tutorials.

As for the issue of love, i will leave it for another day :)

Bankai !! Tear through the books, Mugging Spectacled Nerd :)

Now, what do U see ???

A praise report

2009-08-02T21:49:00.003+08:00

Today was a day of God's power.

I prayed some time back that my parents would be back on talking terms after say, 8-10 years? It seemed quite impossible at that time given their past history, but i prayed to God nonetheless.

Today, my mum ordered pizza (that is another thing to praise God about, given my family situation). I was eating and watching "Bruce Lee", when i noticed something was off. My mum and dad was eating at the same table !! Though they didn't talk much, but i could feel and see that the " strangers under one roof" status has changed. To say that isn't done by God would be so wrong, if u knew about the "history".

My faith has increased greatly, God is faithful and works in His own timing. I pray He will continue His good works :))))) I will look back on this victory when i am faced with trials in the present and in the future and know my God is powerful :) He really does the impossible.

My trials may be big, but He who is in me is bigger :)))

Tomorrow, there will be a meeting in the cyclist club. Wonder how it will turn out.

I love God, let nothing hold me back from giving Him all the praise. WOOTS.

Lord, do heal my Godma.

Drained but not empty

2009-07-29T23:54:00.004+08:00

Recent days have been a roller-coaster ride of emotions. Feeling down in the doldrums one moment, and joyful the other.

Sad, depressed due to ITP issues, financial issues. Cant go for Overseas ITP due to lack of finances, just felt that it is a very good opportunity missed, for so many reasons. Urrgh.

Doing local ITP kinda scares me, due to lack of familiar faces, working enviroment, and after the Mandarin Oriental hotel stint of '07, i got rather traumatised, haha.

It is getting difficult to continue giving for faith promise, i guess this is where faith comes in. Do not know where the money is going to come from and all. I would like to buy certain things, but i gotta cut down on spending even on food. Gotta trust in God and not place my security on money.

The reason why i feel joyful is that when i am feeling hopeless by my circumstances, He gives me hope. Another batch of hopelessness makes its arrival, and when i am feeling emotionally drained, He renews me yet again.

I wanna fly in an aeroplane.

2009-07-25T09:33:00.001+08:00

Another trial, another test. Gotta rise above it. Need God.

Woots. Glory to God :)

2009-07-22T01:12:00.002+08:00

Cyclist club training was awesome!! I thought we would not be able to handle the juniors due to the lack of manpower, but by God's grace we did, haha. My stamina is still there, thank God that my recent bout of illness did not lower it :)) My abdominal strength was kinda weak? Gotta improve on it!! Mingled with the juniors a little, rather fun. Adrenaline pump was there.

Rather happy to see Chao Jing, taking the step of leadership from being rather passive in the past. Proud of you, buddy !! We managed to make the juniors enthusiastic, how much, i dunno, haha. We all had fun, while leading, which is important :) Things for the cyclist club are starting to get into motion, club shirts, bikes and all. What we need is regular attendance from the juniors :)

Another thing to give God the glory, was that though i slept late and woke up early, i still felt energetic the whole day. This is a rare occurance for me, who imitates a highly-inefficient capacitor. Basically, take long time to charge, but depletes in a short time.

Was also rather irritated, frustrated due to project work, team-mates and stuff, but i really thank God for giving me peace and taking away the anger. One thing about me is i can get super angry for a short time, but after that the anger kinda dissipates.

Gotta go to school early tomorrow, and there is a high chance i will feel an "awesome" ache too :)

P.S I hardly take photos, explaining the lack of it :)

Reporting for duty :))

2009-07-10T16:59:00.003+08:00

Rasseru Kurosaki, Official Non-Commissioned Spiritual Parent reporting for duty :> ONCSP. Hehe, rather lengthy eh.

Just had my interview with Sister Gwen. Went nicely :) Gonna have more commitments and responsibilities now, but it is good :) More opportunities to serve and grow. May God be with me every step of the way, guiding, protecting and mentoring me :))

Thanks to God, my results for the MSTs were fantastic, all glory to Him alone :)

Electromagnetic Devices- 97
Photovoltaic Principles and Materials- 95
Engineering Mathematics II (A)- 100
Sensors and Instrumentation- 100
Japanese Language- 98

THANK YOU :)))

Gonna have another night-cycling reccee later, a little anime and some sleep before heading out. Ciaossu :)

Girls

2009-07-08T20:54:00.004+08:00

I got a small problem now. When i see girls, i got this stupid nagging thought/feeling in me, "When am i going to get a girlfriend?" Yea, i got such problems too :)

I think i have reached the "despo stage" in a guy's life. Well, i am sure it will be a passing phase.

However, this is not a question of "I want, I get". I do not want to get into a relationship for the sake of getting into one, be cool or any other reasons other than that of love, one that is approved by God.

Many reasons:
1) It is a relationship that is protected, mentored by God
2) It is based on the definition of love by God, not by the world
3) I am assured however it turns out, it will be for the best
4) I do not want to be in a situation where i wake up one day and the "love" is gone.
5) It ain't a game
6) Some like the thrill, but i want someone i can spend my life with
7) With God, i am assured my wife and i will still be kissing at old age :)) "rather than being strangers under a same roof"

But with all this said, i still find the idea of me being attached far from reality.

Reasons being:
1) I dun think i am "attractive" to girls. My brother took all the handsome genes. God has blessed him. :))
2) I am not confident around girls. 10 years in monkhood might have some part to play.
3) I am rather lame at times. "People who can walk, dun come near me." Arr, see see, what was the first word u thought ?

Well, i am trusting in God for the girl He planned for me uber long ago. And when she comes, i pray God will whack me on the head and say she is the one. So i can be sure, and be courageous to say "HI", and have his blessing for a love that is pleasing to Him. Because if it pleases Him, it most certainly will also please me :)))))) WOOTS.

Saturday's night fever literally :)

2009-07-05T16:01:00.004+08:00

Yesterday's Saturday service in church was uber memorable. Best place to be on a Saturday night, haha. Before that, headed to church at 9.20am, 20 minutes shy of being on time. Met up with the TINT crew and started making the props for the event that was to be held later. Made a big spectacles to go with the event (STARE WHAT STARE). Enjoyed it :)

When work on the spectacles was almost completed, Josh went on to do "something" for his project. It is very complicated for me to describe what he did, so "something" would suffice :) Funny things happened while trying to put on his metal suit, piece by piece. The end result was the "walking penknife/disco ball". Layman terms...

Rushed off to briefing on our roles for the event. Joshua, Sanjay and me were the "Men in Black". Had to dress in black shirts and wear black masks. Our role was simple, if the contestants answer wrongly, we rush out to whack them with balloon clappers, if correct, shake their hands.

Super excited, yet nervous at the same time. The reason being Josh and I have variable amounts of stage fright, we thought it would be OK since we were wearing masks. Problem... the mask just covers the eyes. It's like we were going for a masked prom... But Josh said something that soothe the nervous beast in me, "We are doing this for God......." I kinda forgot the second part of the sentence, seeing that after hearing the first part I was like "YES, OK, LET'S GO MAN" in my mind already :))

As the event started, Sis Gwen introduced us as, "The Men in Black, they are 3 guys who are strong and hunky..." We were behind the door, with "dunno what to say" reactions. Some things didnt go as plan, our choreography went a little haywired due to impromptu planning, haha. I was supposed to jump into Sanjay's and Joshua's hands during the introduction. During our practise i wasn't running, so we excecuted the movement well. During the real thing, i was running fast, the momentum caused me to whack Sanjay's nose and Joshua's chin when i jumped. Didnt plan for that to happen -_-"" But everyone laughed, so we achieved the comical results :)

It was so hilarious, whacking people with balloon clappers, then shacking their hands. According to Phyllis, it wasn't the balloon clappers that scared her, but rather us rushing out the door suddenly like mad, crazy barbarians. I hit Lois and also shaked her hand, who by the way, leads Team Invent. I hit the boss.... next meeting.... sure....

!!! It was a first time for me to take part in an event like that. Stepping out of comfort zones is very scary at times, but it always bears unexpected results. In this case, I have grown bolder, and more confident. THANK YOU GOD FOR THE OPPORTUNITY!!!

Oh yeah, having my SP i.e Spritual Parenting interview next friday. Wonder how it will turn out.

Rasseru Kurosaki, peace out !!

試験が終わりました！　ばんざい！　Exams over :)

2009-07-03T20:28:00.004+08:00

Exams over :)) My brain is dead, cant think properly.

Today's paper was rather manageable, everyone left early before the time was up. I was checking my answers rather thoroughly, by the time i finished, everyone left. I felt a brain block before the exam started, couldn't think clearly, kept checking my answers, haiz.

Caught up with some homies at the mrt, and impromptuly joined them for window-shopping, seeing there was time before gym session.

I cant seem to type anymore, brain has reached maximum loading capacity for the day. Gotta help out in church tomorrow at 8am. Power.

Want to sleep, need to sleep, so just sleep.

Maths- round 1

2009-06-30T22:22:00.002+08:00

I hope the previous post spoke to you :)

Today was Engineering Maths exam, i really fulfilled the term of being on the spot, dot and micro-speck. The moment i came in, the exam was about to be commenced. Thank God :)

As usual, prayed before i started the paper, compared to past year paper (yeah, i only did one, so no 's') it was simpler, in the sense of being more straight-forward. But anyways, i checked as i did, super slow speed as a result.

Wanted to study today, but in the end, i didnt. Arrgh, i see book, i no mood. This despite the fact the exam is in 2 days' time, and i have not started.

Definition of beauty

2009-06-25T18:33:00.002+08:00

The world's definition of beauty is flawed, its meaning embraces many things but beauty itself.

There is no such thing as true beauty, only a false sense of beauty. Beauty is beauty. How we perceive it, makes it "true" or "false".

Its definition as put forth by the world would be something that is pleasing to the eye. Yes, beauty does mean that, the problem being, it does not just stop there.

What then is the true meaning of beauty, the definition of which is unadulterated by the world, the media, people.

Beauty goes beyond the superficial, into the inner depths of a person, thing even. We see someone who does not meet the standards of the world. He or she not having the body exclaimed by the media, neither has that person have a certain sense of sexiness, class... His or her face might even be deformed, disfigured. The world definition of beauty then has him or her excluded.

But that person is beautiful nonetheless, she may possess inner beauty that radiates from within, which lasts longer than that of outer appearances.

We all know inner beauty exceeds outer beauty, but do we comprehend it, accept it, is another issue altogether.

A mongrel, mixed breed might be ugly, but his loyalty to his owner, isn't that beauty too? If some of us can see beauty in the ugliest of animals, why can't we in people?

Another aspect of beauty is that it goes beyond the past, the present, and into the future. A jail inmate convicted of heinous crimes. There is still beauty in him or her. Beauty goes beyond the superficial and focus itself on what something, someone can be in the future. That same inmate has a possible future of repenting, and helping others. Is he or she then not beautiful?

Everything, everyone has beauty, but not everyone sees it. It is a matter of which definition we are using to see the world, the people whom we chance upon each day.

One good proof is this. It is said "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", it means everyone sees beauty differently. That girl might be beautiful, pretty to me, but to another guy on the streets, she is not. I have seen some form of beauty in her, the other person have not. My best friend says that girl is beautiful, but i do not think so. On hindsight, we are all using different definitions of beauty, some of which causes us to miss out on the beauty of some others.

There is no such thing as ugliness, just people who can't see beauty in certain things.

A revelation from my Father in heaven, all glory to Him :)

How can i be sure that everyone is beautiful? God made us in His image, I believe all beauty comes from Him. How then can anyone be ugly?

A new commitment

2009-06-23T15:46:00.004+08:00

I realized that i have been rather serious and stressed up. Some good friends have told me so and i appreciate these comments. The reason behind this behaviour is as such. When it is time to get serious, and no one else is serious, there is a need for me to be serious for them too. Lest the job/project fails or be less than satisfactory.

I miss the times in St.Gabriel sec school, where i was known to some as a joker. This "revelation" got me thinking, and i have chosen that i am going to worry less, be less serious and be less stressed up.

God made me to be a happy boy, Heaven Yeah !!! I am not gonna worry over things nor get frustrated over some people in my life. :) :) :) As to how i am going to achieve it, i will wait upon God's wisdom.

I can see His plan unraveling already.

This is my new plan/commitment which i have committed unto God.

- No television
- 25 mins for Msn
- 5 mins for Facebook

Till end of semester 1, though i got a feeling i am going to renew it. Haha.

All these distractions are cutting me off from my dreams and giving me undue stress. (reasons are complicated, hehe)

Took some pictures of the skies of Serangoon.

I like this one alot :) Rather rare to see this... i think...

I can conclude that i am a sky person, when it comes to taking photos. hehe.

Oh yeah, went for night cycling last Friday-Saturday, for my club's event reccee. Uber nice, so many things, so many good experiences. Shall blog about it soon.

Do note :)

2009-06-04T22:31:00.006+08:00

Recently, it has been rather stressful. CCA wise, coming up with a training schedule for the club, making it active. 3 or more projects, where i have "become" the leader in one way or the other. Mid-semester exams after the 3 weeks hols. And many other things too, in school or in my life.

In short, it would be nice if people would share the burden. Or well, if they do not add to it, i am really, really more than happy already.

If you guys see my msn being busy, it pretty much suggests a high stress level. I do need a punching bag from time to time nowadays, i really hope it aint you who causes me to need it. Really...

When much effort has been put into something for a group, the last thing i would like to hear from you is a complain. You know who you are.

Today is my birthday :)

2009-05-30T23:07:00.003+08:00

So funny. On Friday, i woke up from a nap at 11.55pm, around there. Went to take a bath, and when i came out it was 12.10am. So technically speaking, i entered the toilet as an 18 year old and came out as a 19 year old. What a bath that was, HAHA.

I didnt celebrate my birthday, as in like a party. I think i stopped rather long ago. But it was a good, blessed day nonetheless. My mum bought me a new wallet. Some of my classmates pooled in money to buy a sports jersey. Now i got a new shirt to wear to the gym :) Thanks Mandy, for taking the time to choose one :)

Though there wasnt many presents, 2 to be exact, i feel blessed in so many ways. Good friends, a shelter over my head, love, and a good, loving God. The last is the most important :) Things that we take for granted are usually the most precious.

I feel and know that God is leading me in leading others. He has put me in positions, small and big to nurture me in leadership. Whether it is being a class representative, or a group leader in my cyclist club camp, i have learnt many lessons. Sometimes unknowingly, values and lessons are being imbued in me.

Today in cell, we played a game and i kinda lost in a way. I thought we had to do a forfeit, for some reasons, i thought we had to act cute. Yeah, not a nice image... DUN picture it, seriously :) In the end, we had to be leaders for another game. Though it was for a short time, it was still a valuable learning experience nonetheless.

I have procrastinated yet again, and now my homework is stacked up high. Got 2 quizzes and a Japanese test next week. Time to study. But i am looking forward to this wednesday. Kuishinbo japanese buffet = Free flow of snow crab = First time experience = Gastronomically satisfied Russell.

Thanks friends, for your wishes of happiness :)
Material gifts will be left in one corner collecting dust, but memories with friends i can treasure always :)

Feelings that i do not want

2009-05-26T21:33:00.004+08:00

Just came back from Sanjay's gym. Such an uneasy concoction of feelings is brewing in me.

Today is her birthday, but that is not an ingredient in the mixture of emotions. Just so suddenly, i feel the passion for gym leaking from me. I do not know what causes this onset of unwanted feeling. It could be due to this another feeling that i do not feel at ease to say on this blog. Waiting for Joshua to be free, to have one of those heart-to-heart talks, man-to-man. Hehe.

I hate the feeling of pining for someone. It is so tiring on my emotional body. I am going to lift it up to God, as this causes much avoidable frustration.

Gotta rush my work, have been pushing it back a few too many days. There is the challenge of cyclist club too. Busy busy.

So many things, feelings, work, issues, troubles.

One faithful, loving God.

All is good. :) Let's seek Him !

Awesome growing experience :)

2009-05-24T19:26:00.002+08:00

Cyclist camp was awesome, praise God.

Had diarrhoea on the first day of cyclist camp, i prayed for it to go away and it did :) WOOTS.

To sum it short, great friends, refreshing experiences, enlightening learning journey, God-filled. Got to plan for the training schedule, bikes, events among other things. This year is gonna be busy. Gonna trust in God to be victorious in all.

There is this possibility I might be the gym facilitator for the club. Hehe, Joshua is so laughing.

I thank God i was rejected by the guitar club. His plan for me never fails to surprise, amaze me. I shall not grumble nor complain when bad things happen, but rather i shall wait quietly, seeking Him, looking at his grace and power be unfold in my life.

The trial

2009-05-16T11:52:00.002+08:00

Entered into a new year, a new responsibility entrusted without notice
With an attitude of service, i took it upon myself
First term has not seen its end, but dissension was building its foundation
In anger and frustration , it thrives like weeds
In the barrages of complains and grumbling, I stood like a sitting duck in line of fire
What else can i do, but hear with patience and understanding
Anger did not seem right then, it served no good purpose
Changes were a constant, people's displeasure a multiplication
What else can i do, what else...
Information was given in clarity, yet why do questions still arise
Questions after questions, that could have been avoided
Why do one choose not to take the time to see and understand
Do they not understand that I am not exactly having the time of my life
Character was put under the test, grilled over the flame of irritation
I will not bow down to anger, but enjoy this trial
For this will grow me to be a leader for God,
In this time, i will sing my praises to Him, who is above all this
Who stood by my side, time and time and time again

Hallelujah

Russell Loves God

2009-05-09T22:57:00.003+08:00

Today worship experience was seriously the bomb. Time passes so fast when you are worshiping God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. It is just you and God, one to one.

I am ever so ignited to serve God in guitar, and God is helping me every step of this journey. It is for this reason to serve God that has me desire to improve in guitar. In the past, i could never maintain the passion for any hobby i had. The reasons or purpose for those hobbies could never withstood time nor trials. Learning guitar was and is never an easy thing for me, difficulties, up-and-downs, stagnation in level of playing, and repetition seemed to be endless. There was moments of surrender, and taking the easy route of giving up, BUT the purpose to serve God pushes me forward.

I shall and will be a testimony that glorifies and exalts the name of God. Amen.

On a side note, today's cell game had me confused and in need of a panadol. Was rather slow to catch on, people just started laughing. "A what, wait wait, ding? so what i do? I tot pass to you.." Hehe, it is good to be a source of laughter.

And i have made a decision to "graduate" from the swimming pool gym to the "strongman" gym. For some reason, this year, many pp in poly are going to the gym, boys and girls alike. Going at different times still made no difference to the fact that the gym mimics that of the Great Singapore Sale. Every machine is taken, insufficient dumbells and plates. Hence i am going to the strongman gym with Wailun, i just pray that pp wont crowd that area. Some reasons being

1.) There is no air-con.
2.) The weight plates start from 5 kg.
3.) A nasty concoction of different sweat smells, sweaty rubber.

Adieu..

On hindsight, towards the future

2009-04-26T09:54:00.003+08:00

Yesterday's sermon by Pastor Gary from USA was refreshing in a sense, and reaffirmed in me what i thought before.

He talked about how God put him through various jobs in his younger days, so that he may apply what he has learnt, and his experiences into extending God's kingdom. It reminded me of my past, and the present.

As some would know, the things that i enjoy doing now are caused by certain events. The certain events are the 3 crushes I had in my soon to be 19 years of life. The 3 crushes I had on totally 3 different girls, ended without a beginning, and kinda horribly in some ways. Looking back on those 3 experiences, I thank God for them, despite how it turned out. Some of my brothers know how horribly all 3 turned out. Yeah, sad, if I am only focused on the small blot of despair rather than on the entire canvas of my life. Often, that blot can be part of something beautiful, glorious, amazing.

My first crush is a childhood sweetheart in my primary school days. Met her again in my secondary school days on a trip with both our mothers. Had those same feelings again on the trip. When we were going swimming, I sprinted towards the pool, covering the small belly i had back then. When i entered the pool, I still remembering telling myself i had to do something about it when i returned to Singapore.

That started my enthusiasm with gymming. Body-sculpting, whatever one would call it.

My second crush is a Japanese exchange student to our school when i was Sec 3. Yeah, you all know where this is going. Her name is Akari Taniguchi. Akari meaning light, such an irony when i think about it now. Because of her, i took an interest in Japan, its language, its music. As for Japanese girls, that interest has faded away.

When i found out that she was a tennis captain, and knew how to play the piano. I thought about what talent i had. Through a funny incident that some of my friends know, it led to me picking up the guitar.

The third crush, refocused the goal of gymming, Japanese and guitar towards that of God's.

I am going to use these 3 things that God has led me to, to serve Him in the course He has laid out for me before time began. I thank God for these experiences for I can now serve Him in the things I enjoy :))

I do not know what lies before me, but I know God is a faithful and almighty God. Amen.
"If God put you to it, He WILL put you through it."

Oh yeah, on a side note.

Of the 3 crushes, i have only spoken to 1. The other 2 are like that of a Korean or Taiwanese drama, where the boy just looks on quietly behind a pillar or something opaque. Seriously, if the word "stalker" comes to your mind, you really do not know me well. Haha.

Tired

2009-04-22T00:28:00.003+08:00

Arrgh, school started.

Well, I became this year's class chairman. My head feels groggy, pardon the following incoherent typing. Slept around 8 hours, but still feels it is not enough. The 2 hours lecture sucked my brain juice dry. Had little idea what the lecturer was saying, my mind left the building when he talked about the yoke of a generator. Yes, "huh?".

Then we got conned by the CRS (critical reasoning skills) lecturer into the module being about dating. How to date, maintaining a relationship, etc. Said that we will be pairing up with people from the business school, to be boyfriends, girlfriends. Going on a date sponsored by SP. This is where pandemonium strike. People were like, "WOOHOO". I was more like, "Got to account to Joshua and Zhi He..." At the end, she said we got "punked", and that we had to look at things critically.

In a peanut shell, she lied, we were led into it.

I guess the desire to get attached causes people to lose all sense of critical analysis.

Funny thing is that i thought i would get an F when she said it was a "dating" module. Well, thank God it aint. As u guess it, Russell = no dating experience. Theory = B, Practical = absent. Hehe.

But i won't rush in finding a girlfriend, would rather wait for God to lead me. I pray she is one who is on fire for God. I would like to be worthy of her too.

Anyways, i got to really make good use of my time. So many things, but not too much time. The weather is really humid nowadays. Practised on my guitar for less than an hour, and i could feel sweat trickling down.

Gotta gym tmr, not sure if i got the energy. Wonder how my friends are coping...

Yosh. Photos for the first time. Woots.

2009-04-15T00:23:00.009+08:00

Orientation was super fun today too. Saw a freshman girl I thought was beautiful, hmm, wonder if she is a Christian. Anyways, the Flag Day Division (us), has completed Phase 1 of its job.

Gave out tins, license, stickers, etc. Had to promote Environmental club for some reason. The best was having fun as a group of student leaders. Started with knowing a bunch of people, but now we are all homies. A teacher called me a senior, "shiok man" was the feeling ! Haha.

Took a group photo at the end in the sports hall.

OK! FINALLY! PHOTOS!

I seriously do not know how to smile....

Personal fav. Matthew (the punched guy) brings the fun in bulk.

Thursday is collection day. We gonna take part in the SP party. Maybe..

Went to the fish farm after with Joshua. Couldnt take a photo of the big black fish, called the Gar fish. It was humongous. When it surfaced, got the shock of the month. Too bad the water was dark, so happen the fish was kinda dark too. Let your imagination run wild, and u can picture the size.

Joshua bought cute little fishies, Pearl Goldfish. Fat and small. When it swims, u get a good laugh out of it.

The work of God above the work of man. (Leonardo Da Russell)

Thought the sky was nice. The light piercing through the clouds.

Fun and enjoyable day, thank you God :)))

The fun, the tired, and the new

2009-04-14T00:08:00.003+08:00

Got my new phone today. Nice. Gonna start taking photos.

Went for Freshmen Orientation today, was in charge of the tin cans for flag day. A little nervous at first as I did not have experience with a large group of people. But it turned out rather well. For me it was fun, though my fellow leaders felt it was a little stale for them.

Isaiah was the only one who forgot to wear the SP t-shirt. Totally looked like a freshie. Blended in the crowd like a true army guy in the jungle when we led the students to the sport halls. Man, the way he behaved during the freshies' games was just hilarious. So brave, just went in and looked over people's shoulders like no man's business, I just laughed then and there. During the train conference, Felicia said that he went into her class briefing and looked all blur and duh... One of the students thought he was a fellow classmate. I so wanted to be there, to see his "duh" face.

It was a nice experience overall, being my first time too, first of many to come i hope. Tmr will be the same thing again, maybe with slight variations. I hope funnier things will happen, hehe.

Went for gym at Sanjay's, fast and efficient, the way i like it. Spent some time settling the hardware and software of the phone. No time for guitar, sob..

Well, might be going to a fish farm tomorrow to see this incredibly huge fish with Josh. Photos :)

Cherry-O.

Joke for the day ( Do tag if it is funny :) )

Ah Beng - NEW STUFFS
> ************ ********
>
> Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
> He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
> 'My Mobile No. Has changed.
> Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
>
> ============ ========= ! ========= ======
> Ah Beng : I am a proud father, coz my son is in Medical College ..
> Friend: Really, what is he studying.
> Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
>
> ============ ========= ========= ========= ===
> Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
> DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
> Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
>
> ============ ========= ========= ========= ====
> Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
> Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
> Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
> ========================================================= > Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except
> the TV in my house.'
> Police: 'How come the thief did not take TV?'
> Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news....'
>
> ============ ========= ========= ========= ==
> Ah Beng comes back to his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
> He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for the compliment.'
>
> ============ ========= ========= ========= ======
> How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
> He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
>
> ============ ========= ========= ========= ========
> Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
> So the man asked him why he did so.
> He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would
> be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
>
> ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
> Ah Beng in a bar ! and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
> Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
>
> ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
> Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
> Man : This is a race, the winner will get the cup
> Ah Beng : If the winner will get the cup, why are others running?
>
> ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
> Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
> Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
>
> ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====
> Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
> Servant: 'It's already raining.'
> Ah Beng : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'

Thank You, Jesus

2009-04-11T20:14:00.003+08:00

Today was the HOPE event in church. Brought my brother and cousin to the event. Was praying continuously that their hearts be opened to God, and accept God as their saviour. The weird thing, i did not even pray that much before my math exams.

Could hear them laughing during the musical, was rather distracted. But God said, "Russell, focus on me." I believe that God will touch their hearts and bring about a radical transformation in their lives, just as he did with mine. I was a rather tough nut, a logical person that did not allow the concept of God. I thank God, that HE did not give up on me but rather strengthen me in my relationship with Him, time after time, troubles after troubles.

I thank God for Joshua Isaac, who had patience in nurturing me. I call him my brother, though we are from different races, we are from the same God.

My dream is that my whole family, extended even, would come to know God and love Him as much as I do. It might take a long time, and i will face persecution, mockery even from my family members for what i stand up for.

But i wont worry, for God is always with me till the end of time, I shall put their salvation before my shame. Amen.

Back!!!

2009-04-03T08:28:00.010+08:00

Finally back to posting, due to a host of problems. Spiritual Parenting course, Singapore Poly Leadership camp in Indonesia are some of the few things that happened which made my holidays :)) I experienced so many new things, some of which might be common to yall.

1. Talking to a stranger about God. :)
2. Holding and using a machete for the first time. :)
3. Trekking through a jungle, waterfall, and such. :)
4. Jumping off a waterfall into yellow water full of mineral, iron. Uber deep that it's black yo. :)
5. Sleeping in a hammock. Felt mummified. :)
6. Jumping off a jetty, wrong position causing damage to groin and thigh area. :(
7. Had nutella smeared or spammed onto my face for a game. Saboed. Took it as a facial. :) & :(
8. Lighting a fire with a flint and machete. With the help of some kind of oil... :)
9. Eating porridge-rice hybrid with untreated water from the stream. Yes, the yellow one. X_X
10. Peeing in the jungle at night with 3 other friends. One of whom farted at the end to finish up the symphony of "Canon in E". The bomber's identity is still unknown. Not me. -_-"""
11. Keeping guard with a machete, while a fren did his big business behind me. X_X

Number 10 is not new i suppose, guys do it all the time... in one way/song or the other...

That's generally wraps up so far.

Gonna get my new phone, soon. Hehe, was grumbling when the phone price increased from 99 to 128 to 188. Thought i would just stay with my 3++ yr old Sony Ericsson longer.But God is good, bought it online yesterday for a promo price of 48. Max Woots :)) Finally!! I can take nice photos to post. Thanks Bro, for helping :)

http://www.lge.com/products/model/detail/ku990.jhtml (me phone).

Will be posting a meaningful saying at the top of every post for yall to ponder on, and some jokes too, for some time. Thanks peeps for sending me :) Yall might have seen them b4.

Cant be bothered anymore

2009-03-12T20:54:00.002+08:00

I cant take this anymore. Everytime i seek to care and connect with people, it is like a one-way street. Every question i ask, every help i offer, is freakingly taken for granted. I do not do these acts to seek recognition, but i do not like to be taken for a fool either. Why is it that when i am helping people, i have to ask them, remind them, persuade them even. HELLO, isnt this a stupidly, big irony.

When i ask people about their problems, i ask to know how are their lives recently, that's how i keep in touch with people, concern even. But i just feel i am just taken for granted. When people tell me about their problems, i really understand them to a certain point i get depressed with them. It worries me, that they feel the same thing over and over, to an extent it adds on to my emotional baggage on that day. I am just so tired, too tired to bother any longer.

I am gonna be selfish. Why should i even bother anymore...

I want to sleep !!!

2009-03-12T02:42:00.004+08:00

Today, or rather yesterday seeing the time, was stale?

The mixture and confusion of feelings, emotions were carried forward to today. Many stuffs. Anyway, today was the first time i did some sort of cooking. i think. I made lemongrass tea, had a fun time chopping, i think i wanna take up cooking as a part-time hobby, hehe. Gonna learn from Yati. FOC!!!

Went to visit Godma, talked about stuffs and God among many others. It was nice talking about God with a relative, since i come from a taoist family background.

Having insomnia from frequently sleeping at late hours. So I went filing my pictures. Precious memories of cycling trips and gatherings with classmates. Arr... good times. Then i looked at her photos, kinda miss her. Oh wells. Nothing much i can do anymore either.

Ya so gonna refer to this one day, haha

2009-03-09T21:07:00.001+08:00

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying Whatever YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning t! his is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Priorities... God bless you

2009-03-07T13:34:00.002+08:00

Reading Maxine's blog, i thought of this, thanks to God's wisdom.

Sometimes in the course of our life, we tend to envy people and wonder why our life stinks in comparison to theirs.

Yeah, i had that thought before. I was reading somebody's blog. She had a brand new camera, expensive if i might add, and as i read, she wrote she did not know what she was looking for in life, if i can remember correctly. I was wondering to myself, " Why is she so blessed, and why do i have difficulties even in affording a comfortable shoe." Asked God right there and then, why was there such a distance in our situations. I was kinda displeased so to speak, disgruntled.

God brought a thought to my mind. "Is having such things going to get you to heaven? Is having many good friends going to get you to heaven even?". I replied, "Nope, it is my relationship with you that is going to give me eternal life." At that moment, having a built body, playing guitar the best, etc, seemed so small.

Why am i chasing after these "treasures" of life which do not last, when there is a treasure God has in store for me that surpasses all these by a long, long, long shot. A treasure that is eternal.

Riches aint going to get me to heaven, materiality aint going to do it either. An intimate relationship with my Father in Heaven is what matters. If we grasp that truth, we WILL experience TRUE FREEDOM and VICTORY in our lives.

So what if the person next door is living a good life he or she doesnt deserve, really, gotta ask ourselves, so what?

I will rest in the fact that God allows these situations into our lives to grow and nurture us. His plans are not meant to harm us, but to prosper us.

He is a faithful God, He doesnt let me or you go through it alone, if we trust in Him, He will lift us up above our trials, and be victorious, not just mere survivors, soaring on eagles' wings.

Like the grass is green and Singapore is a small red dot, this is a fact, not a maybe, could be.

Faith yo, is all it takes.

Take His hand and enter the light and love that embraces, where shame and guilt has no place.....

It is time !!

2009-03-06T22:20:00.003+08:00

Feeling a sense of frustration, i think the soreness of my legs has a part in it. Cant walked properly, thank God the movie outing was postponed, haha.

Whatever things i am facing now, i will thank God and move on, make the best out of it.

I have started back on track for my body-building and gonna push myself, making my body my slave for God's kingdom. That's a goal i have to constantly remind myself of, stop the grumbling and just push forth.

Gonna start the habit of running in the morning too. SO........

Come with me if you want to train.

There is a first thigh for everything

2009-03-05T19:38:00.004+08:00

Today, woke up at 5am, with only 2 hours of sleep. Met Arjun and started our jog, I must say I thought i would not be able to handle the distance due to a poor stamina. But well, thanks to God, i finished the route with much much energy to spare, haha. Nice run in the morning with a good friend, the simple things that put a smile on my big face. I gonna run lots now, the feeling of sweat on your back, cool, fresh air, absense of traffic, addicted, hehe.

Then headed to Yio Chu Kang gym for my initiation ceremony into squats, hehe, quite a big thing for me. Joshua kept asking me to do squats since the start of time, but i refused as the exercise would stun my growth. Well, i asked some people if i am tall enough, etc. Apparently, they think i am, hmm, contrary to what i think. Decided to do it, as i prefered or rather needed overall strength.

I tell ya, squats aint the nicest thing, in fact, it's like a torture. Why i do it? If ya dunno, thanks for reading my blog for the first time :) :) Weights pressing on your shoulder and against your neck bone. OUCHIE. When ya pushing the weight up, all i can say is that the feeling is a manifestation of standing up against difficulties in life. The numb, helpless feeling. But i said 2 words, and just pushed up. It makes things easier for the motion and life.

Joshua kept saying "Stop whining, start squating". My bro has been doing squats for a long time, I thank God he is mentoring me, the exercise is potentially deadly if done wrongly, hehe.

I am not sure if i can walk tomorrow, the soreness is gonna be awesome. Awesomely sore.

"FOR GOD!!!" urggh...

Troubling

2009-03-05T01:12:00.002+08:00

Boy-girl relationship is too bothersome and it really troubles my mind. At my age of going 19, i cannot handle it, nor do i really want to. Having a girlfriend, yeah happy and all. But i do not think that in the end, it is really something i want or is able to handle, for now at least. Being best friends is good for me. Right now, focusing my time on God is more important rather than getting troubled or having my attention diverted from that of God. As my brother, Joshua says, after NS, after NS. Gotta sleep, peace.

It is GOOD !!!

2009-03-02T13:55:00.002+08:00

Today was good. Time alone with God, is really enlightening and enriching to my spiritual life, soul. Every truth, every revelation i received, I cant help but praise Him. My life is so much more, more, more with Him at the helm.

Though i am a Christian, I did not read His word regularly, TAWG was irregular and far between. When i made my decision to stop attending church 2 weeks ago, i wanted to get on a more intimate level with God. Yeah, i know the irony, but my half-brother knows what i am going through. Do not take my absence as a sign of backslide, i want to know and love God more and more.

I am gonna spend more time with God, and TAWG shall not be a burden but something i look towards. The abundance blessed upon me is "wow".

Friends, when i use "wow" it is because i cant find any word in my 18 years of English education to describe that feeling. Only things of God can make me go, well, "wow".

Today after receiving His truth, i was filled with joy, i was prompted to pick up my guitar and sing a song of praise, a new song. I was doubtful, " I cant sing properly, cant strum properly either, not to mention doing both at the same time." But i just took my lovely guitar out of its casing and strum the chords of Mighty to Save. Words came out of mouth, prompted by my desire to praise God.

I strum and sang a new song. Though by the world's standard, it was below par, but i know for a fact that God is happy and pleased with it, and that is what matters to me. A question for thought, "should i care about what people think, even what my Christian friends think, or should i be more concerned about the thoughts of God, who is more important than 6 billion people combined?".

I WILL USE MY LOVELY GUITAR FOR GOD. PRAISE GOD, I LOVE YOU !!!!

A verse for thought, "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power."

Man, this is classic

2009-03-01T00:24:00.000+08:00

Time to do fun stuffs with good friends

2009-02-27T19:29:00.005+08:00

万歳！BANZAI! ものすごくうれしい！(Very very happy!)

Holidays started yesterday!!! End of year 1. Kinda sad, all the good and fantastic lecturers, not sure if i am gonna see them again. I pray that next year, my classmates will still be the same yo.

I am not planning to work, for some reasons. Gonna focus on my new year's resolution. God, guitar and gym. 3G. Reading, picking and bulking.

I have aligned my purposes for gym and guitar, they being to serve God. Gaining muscle not to impress girls or for boasting rights but for His kingdom. As a fellow friend said, Moses built the ark by himself, he must be strong even at an advanced age. Still remembering the time, we had to move 2 huge wooden boards for Team Invent on foot for a long distance while it was raining. Haha, the pilgrimage to the holy ground.

For guitar, my main focus would be to serve Him in music. Yep, though i will still play Japanese rock music. For some reason, i am no longer "satisfied" just listening to good Christian and Japanese music, i wanna be playing it. Practice.

Just made a decision recently. Some other time perhaps.

Though she left a month ago, when i am walking on the streets and chance upon someone resembling her, my attention would be diverted, shutdown of spatial awareness so to speak.
"sigh....".

Saw Aaron and his girlfriend today while at a pit stop during cycling. As we were heading home, the conversation with JI went as such, Arr hem (clears throat)

me: hey, how nice eh, to be like that.
JI: huh, what thing.
me: Aaron and his girlfriend lah. ( man, i tell ya, i gotta stop speaking Singlish)
JI: aiyah, dun worry, soon brother, have faith, come on, high five!
me: eh, didnt u say after NS?
JI: nevermind, have faith in it, come on, hurry, light turning green, slap it!!! (high five)
me: OKAY! (slaps hand) HAVE FAITH!!!

Funny yo!!

Random thought of the day: " God, i want to have a Christian Japanese band that is united in you.".

Someone wise tells me

2009-02-21T08:41:00.005+08:00

Friendship isn't about who you have known the longest.

...but about who came and never left your side.

P.S. Quality not quantity, it seems.

Back to the past, Brothers for life

2009-02-20T01:33:00.003+08:00

Finally back to posting, exams are progressing fine, seriously gotta thank God. Especially for my Engineering Maths. Last 3 weeks was... how do i put it... normal and slackful? Haha. As usual, prepared for my exams on the last 2 days. Really a relentless habit that leeched onto me since Primary 4.

The root of this can be coined into a phrase. My unwanted desire for perfection has fueled an endangering procrastination. STILL i am gonna get out of this, despite many, many failed attempts. Gotta make my time fruitful, for many reasons.

One thing i need to get off my chest.

When best friends begin to get on each others' nerves more often than not, we should stop and think if "best friends" is what really describes us. Friends that have known each other for so long that familiarity sets it, and we begin to take each other for granted. Calling another names, on the basis that "Hey, come on, we are good friends, known each other for so long already..". Aint that an irony out from literature books. Worst still, saying "sorry" is as often as saying "Yo, whassup".

Friend whom i treasure much. Please stop amidst your busy schedule and do, please do think how many times i have heard the much hated "sorry" from you. "Sorry" just do not seem to have any meaning any longer. May not be many, but it has definitely put a strain on our friendship. Words like "stupid", "dumb dumb", though you meant it to be funny, why do i not feel so? Rather i feel insulted, to an extent of just shouting out at you.

I am not perfect either, i have done things to make you angry. I seek to be better, this friendship is something i pray to have 70, 80 years down the long, rough road. Sometimes, i just want to stop correcting you, and let you figure it out, let someone else do the correcting. It's just too much. Maybe we known each other for too long, words that i say might not have much of an impact?

It's is hard to change, that i know. Had my fair share of condemnation from "less than understanding" classmates.

Just want you to know, let us not have familiarity set into our friendship.

It would be nice, very nice to be back where we were last time. Times when we had fun, heart-to-heart talks without bursting our nerves, my half-brother.

"Friendship is a gold treasured above life's treasures"

How true.

Good times... Love yall to bits

2009-01-29T00:17:00.005+08:00

Chanced upon this, arr... really miss the old homies and all the fun times we had. Priceless and irreplaceable memories.

It was a time when my face was void of pimples and smooth like the bean curd at Mr.Bean. Now... it's ..... aiyah, nvm

Going to Kovan after school to eat at Pizza Hut and rushing back for POA lessons, gymming in the school gym, no air con, just plain old-school. Sob... the good times, good friends, good teachers, experiences and all. My first Japanese crush.... So many more stories to tell, to reminisce.... Stories that are shared when the old boys gather, even when we become 70++. Yeah, our class rocked, and that still is an understatement.

This video, an embodiment of what we the class of 4E6 are.

For some reason, when it comes to me, my whole face takes up the entire screen.

S.P.I.R.I.T

Thank you, Lord, for blessing me abundantly with such an awesome class and memories.

Peace out, homies, band of brothers forever !!! :P

She leaves....

2009-01-24T09:07:00.002+08:00

24th January, think i am gonna remember this day.

Well, she leaves today, with hope of returning bleak. I pray she will be victorious in her studies, and more importantly, that she remains close to God, no matter where she is. And not that i am jealous or anything, I pray that she will not meet with any bad NZ boys or people. With her smarts and God's protection, she will know what steps to take.

I cant achieve anything if i were to feel sad or emo around, i cant see any purpose in doing that. Rather i will use that to fuel my determination to be a better person, spiritually and personality-wise. Be strong and courageous, in doing God's work and also, to speak to the girl i like, whom i will meet, that God planned in the future.

By then, i might be able to do what i could not do for her. Play the guitar and sing a love song, giving her a look at that important line, then she would know my feelings. Corny, yeah but that's how i roll. Maybe, by then, I will have thought of something else.

The little memories i will keep, but the feelings i lift it up to my Father in Heaven.

I cant say that every morning i love you, but i do know...... every memory i had of you, was liking you.

May God guide you in all ofyour ways with His wisdom, to protect you with His Truth and to shelter you in His grace and overwhelming love. God be the focus of your life. じゃ、またね。

This marks another sad ending that had no beginning. But God put it there for a reason, to nurture me. And i appreciate it, for without such trials, we wont grow.

New shirts, good friends, thank God.

2009-01-17T10:58:00.007+08:00

Funness to da max ytd. After gymming at school gym, headed to Bugis to meet up with Yi Ling to buy my clothes. Prayed to God that i would get clothes that made me smart-looking, not like old uncle.

Met her infront of Bugis Street, and found a stow-away, haha, Phyllis. かっこいい。The escapade of clothes-hunting began. Walked around here and there for so so long, my legs started to get sore, but the girls were still passionately finding clothes, dresses, blouses.... Quite a few funny things happened. Like how i saw a dress so small, and i asked, "Why so little cloth?" and they told me it was just a blouse. And and, while i was changing in the small, confined room, my arm hit the curtain, dear Phyllis tot i was ready, and drew away the curtain, when i haven put the clothes fully on yet, i was like, " WAA, what u doing!!" One word, shocked.

Clothes there were cheap and good, but couldnt find anything that agreed with me, or was it just my poor sense of fashion, highly possible. Uncle sense of fashion.

The place was full of distractions and temptations, thanks to God, i managed to focus. Cant believe the length of some pants and skirts were so short, wear for what??? Definitely a cloth crisis.

Yi-Ling and Phyllis bought their dresses, and we headed for Bugis Parco to find my thang. Again, hard to find for me, thought i was going home empty-handed. Budget and all. But thanks to the girls, i managed to buy 3 shirts for slightly under 80 moolahs. Made me realise something, when buying clothes, put their numbers on speed dial is for the best. They gave me the best advice so far in the area of fashion?? Sorry Jorji, but they are that good. すみません。

Headed on to the food court to consume protein, bought a curry yaki beef. Was thinking whether i should buy an extra bowl of rice, Japanese rice, i like. But decided not to, thank God. The rice was hardly any thing close to the real McCoy, rather its the first type of rice to have the consistency of porridge. I was thinking, "It must have taken real skill to make rice that bad..." If the Japanese found out how we degraded their rice, WW3. Japanese rice is one of the finest, so to speak.

Ate super slow, for those who know me well, the speed of how i eat is based on the delectability of the food. If it's a pleasure for my taste buds, swoop, done deal. If it's like nightmare on elm's street, better take out your magazine and start reading, it's gonna be a looonngg ride.

Yi ling treated us to mango tango, yeah the name makes u wanna dance, super nice. Phyllis asked for more of what she tot was mango sauce when it turned out to be durian sauce. Waa, the lady's face just turn black, really made me want to scoot out of there. Haa haa.

According to Chester, Phyllis said I am like a small boy, innocent etc , couldnt rmb. I d u n n o what to say.

SUMMARY...

All in all, it was a super fun, exciting day, trekking through the human jungle for the treasure of cloth, then repeling down the cliffs of expensive price tags with nothing but our wallets. In the desert of temptations, where there are tribes of pp who like to wear little cloth on their bodies, yeah, they are from tribes that are running out of cloths. The greatest trial was bad porridge the natives called rice, but we overcame all that to get the prize...... Mango Tango.

Yeah, that sums it all, with good frens, any outing is a fun outing, Amen to that. Glory to God always. Who provided me with the money and good frens and clothes and fun. Yeah even when shopping do pray b4 it, that it will be joyful, rewarding, free of temptations and fellowship to da max.

Post-script:
Yi-Ling's new nicknames by yours truly. Ah-Ling, and Ling A Ling. Patent pending.
おわりましょう。

RELOADED WITH FAITH

2009-01-15T23:52:00.005+08:00

Wednesday was a day where my faith in God was tested. I was coughing for so so many days, among other stuff, doubts flooded my mind. I asked God why he has not cured me of my 25 days plus cough, and it was quite bad. Even after all my prayers, and fren's prayers. I wanted Him to talk to me, but i couldnt get it. I was beginning to complain to God, and at one point, contemplate about just leaving Him altogether. But i was reminded on just waiting upon Him, no matter how bad our situation might be.

It was also during then, i realised how little my faith in Him has been, i can be so pumped up for Him and after 4 days, revert back to that same place of insecurities and doubting Him. So i made up my mind, and just to put my trust in Him, the verse "to live by faith and not by sight" spoke to me as i grappled with my doubts. I knew that it was a trial for me to strengthen my faith in Him, I sensed God knew my walk with Him was becoming stagnant, and through this ordeal, refresh my steps along His side.

My faith has grown, no doubts about that.

During recent days including today, i have been guiding my friends in the art of bodybuilding. Arr, nostalgia. Reminded me of the good ole days, when Joshua first taught me. I finally understood what he gone through with me. Fustration was there, even so for me when i teach my frens, but God say, "put others before yourself". And based on that, i will. We came a long way, eh? My half-brother? Thank God He put you into my life. Hallelujah.

This Saturday will be the last time i see her. Whatever it is, God has plans.

Stronger and stronger, both in the physical and spiritual, thats my goal.

For the miracle of Christ in me, is the mystery that sets me free.

God's amazing work

2009-01-10T01:23:00.007+08:00

Today, I was daydreaming on the train. Thought about how Yi Ling was handling her testimony for water baptism. Began to think about mine in the future, came up with quite a funny one but serious none the less. It was good, God did lots of things in my life, giving me an extreme makeover for my life. If he hadnt, i would not be what i am today.

In the train too, i have planned to bring 3 pp to God. Who they are, i wont reveal, all in God's time. Gonna pray for His intervention and wisdom, and that He will bless them with overwhelming love, breaking through the things that hold them back, and bring upon a light that will just transform them. Amen.

I have found a girl, whose inner beauty just shines through ever so brightly. I dare say that in my entire life, she is the best girl i have met so far. I am not refering to HER. And no, i have not changed heart. After every conversation i have with her, i feel her to be, how should i say, better and better. A rare gem indeed. Blessed is her boyfriend or husband. Just being her friend is already a blessing.

I wont list what makes her special, unique from the rest, I do not want this post to be 2 thousand words long. If she comes to know and receive God, it would be the best. I am sure God will bring her to new heights. I believe God has great, unimaginable plans for her. If i had met her at a different time, maybe things would be different, i wont know. Haha. In my opinion, if she is the world's standard for beauty, maybe we wont be seeing the moral decadence in our society. God has a way.

I pray to God that my girlfriend, my wife will be like her. No, whatever you are thinking, u are thinking wrongly. Haha. God will make a way and top my expectations in unimaginable ways. Peace out.

GLORY TO HIM

2009-01-08T19:10:00.008+08:00

Today, i was in the train heading home after gym. Prior to this, for a many weeks now, i was unable to worship God whole-heartedly. Meaning when i sing praise to Him, i couldnt feel the joy, the love for Him, basically what anyone would feel when worshipping Him. I was too concentrated on the lyrics, i spent too much time thinking about the lyrics.

In the train, as i took out my China-made imitation Mp3, Silykon, God spoke to me (yes, he did) he told me what went wrong and how i should worship him, when i was hearing the songs, i was finally responding to it and the feel of my love for him, His love for me, the pure, unadulterated joy that u cant get from secular music was there, and i was just soaking in it. It was pure joy for me, i was searching for it for a long time. Thank you, God.

And another thing to thank God for, would be my results. Without Him, this wouldnt be possible.

Digital electronics 85
P.EEE 100
Structured Programming 95
Engineering Maths 99.5
Japanese 99

There was some error with marking for the maths, so might get a 100.

My maths in the past was 68 and 67, so u can clearly see God's work here.

During the test, I didnt know 3 questions which had quite a weightage. I prayed to God, asking for enlightenment on it. I then stared at the question, and then i just knew how to do.

This doesnt mean not to study. God provides for the crows, but He does not drop the food in their nests. This mean we still got to work for the victory God has in store for us yo.

Dun say this often CRAP

2009-01-06T18:50:00.005+08:00

Man, this stinks. Now SHE knows the name i refer to her as. At first, it was already awkward when i found out she knew that i like her, now this is just a whole new level of embarrassment.

Why do pp have to tell her i like her, about the name???? Are they telling for the fun of it, or for the sick sake of gossip???? WHY?

I was happy and satisfied just being the person SHE doesnt know, just occasionally looking at her now and then, her smile, the way she talk. Not in a stalker sense, but as a person who likes her. NOW, i cant even do that, or she will just freak out. Now, i might be the person she think is 1. a freak 2. weird. It would be nice if she know me as a fren but not like this, not like this man.

When the pp who were telling her about something like this, why did they not think about the feelings of the person who likes her, this aint something funny when emotions are involved.

In the bible, it is said gossip splits up close friends. Gossip is destructive.

She will only be in church for 2 more saturdays b4 she will be gone for a long, long time. Why does this happen now? Why cant she know at least when she is about to leave or better yet not at all.

I am pissed off. Not because she thinks of me negatively now (though it really makes me sad in a sense) but rather why pp treat telling of someone's secret so casually. For fun? Or because there was nothing to talk about at that moment?

I really cant see the reason behind telling it. Yes, she is the party whom it concerns but it isnt a secret if not told will harm her or anything. I believe SHE will go on in life pretty well even if she doesnt know, but rather now that she knows, she might find it disturbing.

To use the word love to refer to her is quite strong and this coming from a total stranger. It is just something that i thought of, and Josh, my half-brother would know i like forming sentences from words/letters. e.g SLC which meant Student Leader Council, i would form it to be Somebody Loves Christ.

Please think if doing so will hurt the other party, it might mean a lot to him/her.

The only person who can tell a secret to another should be the person whom the secret belongs to.

Only this is holding me up. For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. James 1:20. For God and my life, i will quell the anger.

Blown

2009-01-03T21:32:00.003+08:00

SHE knows. 18 plus years on this earth, the Lord is the only one I know who keeps secrets real well, really...

Fresh Start YO

2009-01-02T13:37:00.006+08:00

It's a little late but it's OK, haha.

1 Jan 2009 was the best. The many days before, my faith in God was wavering like a sampan in the stormy Pacific. It was hard grappling with His truth and existance, the devil was pumping barrages of doubts into my mind, I thank God for Joshua's mum whom really reaffirmed my faith, thank you Godmother!!!

My new year's resolution is something I plan to achieve unlike other years. The 3G. God, Guitar, Gym. It's time to see what happens when i really put in effort into the things i have planned, an exciting journey this year is gonna be. Kami wa boku no chikara, miyou !

God- Have an intimate relationship with Him, reading His word daily, conversing with him, and putting Him first in all that i do.

Guitar- To rock on to a new level of skill, practising daily. Gonna be a Christian Rock guitarist.

Gym- Strength, definition and mass. (not too big, just right) :)

Deleted almost all of the secular songs in my mp3, began with 140 plus songs, and ended up with 44, 5 of which are Japanese songs. (cant really take away the Japanese half of me, Lol.) Gotta stock up on more Christian songs yo. Please send me online, thanks. :)

And peeps, I managed to get a photo taken with HER. Thanks to Lois and Zhi He. And without saying, I aint gonna post it, haha. A little awkward though, hmmm, but still did not talk to her. On watchnight, I finally heard how she sounded like, her voice is superbly cute. 22 more days, and she is gone, for good, I aint really sure. "sigh" is all i can say.

And and, i got 100 marks for one of my modules, uber cool, gotta keep up the momento, glory be to God. This really proves the importance of committing our exams into His hands, yeah!

I thank God for 2008 and all of the friends i have and made, u guys spur me on!!! BANZAI!!!

Joshua Isaac (my half brother) who brought me to know the Lord, role model
Zhen Yao, Joseph, Zhi He pushing me for my faith
Aunty Mary, all knowing, haha
Maxine, being there to listen
Yi Ling, Habib, my confidant in so many things
2008 cell, all you homies, make my saturdays so hip and happening
Team Invent, so many pp all for the Lord, all the fun moments
Ignyte, without you, i wont be here
Summit, awesome buddy
Benjamin Tan, one guy who would do just about anything, bold and daring for God
Jason, running buddy
Junrong, guitar mentor and guitar extraordinair
Gerald, teaching me the basis of guitar
Isaiah, best working partner and buddy
Wai Lun, fellow homie in Christ, so gung-ho
Lois, taking the photo of a lifetime, haha
And HER, who makes me want to be a better guy

Most importantly, God, my best friend, without u all the above wont be possible, THANK YOU :)

*Applause Loudly*

SURGE Searching Serving Soaring RIGHT NOW

2008-12-17T22:08:00.004+08:00

Came back from camp 2 hrs ago.

Camp was super fun and God-centered. Arrgh, missing it already, the pool games , mud games, water bomb war, service , sharing of room, pasting my face to the kaya, super lol. IT WAS SO GOOD AND EXCITING. I cant wait for next year man! This camp really reignited my passion to serve God. God told me that if i were to use guitar as a tool to serve him, he WILL bless me in that area. Gotta work hard yo.

Then, then, then during service Brother Darren prayed over me, I cried like dunno what to say, the gush of emotions, it was God touching, SO long since i felt that way. Worshipping God is THE BEST, going to the next level to worship and praise him.

Made many frens, uber tall David, funny Benjamin, gymnastic Daniel, gung-ho Jared and so so many many more. Not gonna lose contact with you guys, precious friendship and fellowship. Gonna treasure those precious memories we have tgt.

Ya and Bro Darren and Bro Robin gonna go to other sections to be leaders, gonna miss you two, all that heart to heart talk, sob sob sob... But IT'S ALL GONNA BE GOOD yeah!!!

Next year, mixed cell, well, cant talk as freely and act as crazy when we were just boy's cell, BUT you never know we might have more fun, OH YES! Gonna miss Chester and Gabriel, funny peeps see you in AF in 3 yrs time, yeah.

Soaking in the presence of God is just the best thing in the world ever. You never know till you experience it.

LOVE YOU GOD, GLORY TO YOU FOR ALL THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE IN MY LIFE, I PRAISE YOU AND WORSHIP YOU TO THE HIGHEST!!!

Pushing the intangible boundaries

2008-12-12T22:25:00.005+08:00

Well, this 2 days i have been sleeping over at Joshua Isaac's house. It was really an enriching time, we debated about the word of God and I have decided to be independant in what i do.

In the past, if no one were to follow me to the gym, i wouldn't go, always needed someone to be there, to accompany me if i were to go running and all. In the gym i would always limit myself to the weights i do, instead of breaking comfort boundaries. Same for guitar, always relying on pp to teach me.

Well, i have started being independant, training by myself, pushing myself to new levels and learning guitar by myself. If i were to depend on pp, i wont grow to my full potential that God blessed me with. I will ALWAYS depend on God, for unlike pp, he is ALWAYS there.

Pp always say its good to be independent, for pp wont always be there to watch our back, but God. He is always there watching our back, head, legs, mind, soul. So we can be fully dependent on him yo.

Its church camp on Sunday, hiahia, cant wait. Well, i know she aint going to be in my group but its Ok, i will be focused on God.

Gonna get my haircut tmr, oh God, i pray i get a nice hairstyle, been wanting one for 4 years.

Looked at my passport photo recently, 2 years ago, my face was smooth like a baby's bottom.

Doing facial now. Dont judge me yo, i aint gay, i am metrosexual. The number of pimples on my forehead counts for the whole population of Singapore.

Again

2008-12-06T23:19:00.002+08:00

Saw her in and after service again, feeling a little... hmm.. i dun really know how to put it. Just felt sad that i missed such a good girl.. again. Tried not to look at her, lest those feelings come back.

Well, the holidays started and i am got things planned out. God--Guitar--Japanese--Gym--and bonding with friends. Yeah these are the main ones. Gotta start chionging guitar, need to improve for many reasons. Found this awesome vid, well if u like anime and guitar that is.

Giving up the girl I like

2008-11-29T22:03:00.003+08:00

Know that I said I would post only on 5th Dec, but just needed to get something off my chest.

Today, during service, the sermon was about pleasing God and seeking what put a smile on His face, casting all thing that displeases Him and distractions. Certain topics was touched on, including obsession with manga, secular music. Till it came to boy-girl relationships.

I remembered telling God that if the time came for me to give up my feelings for her, that He would tell me. I think that sign came today. Some might think that whether I give up or not is of not much matter since she is already leaving, but it's much deeper. Those close to me who knows my situation knows it's much deeper.

It's difficult to give her up. Yeah, the irony being she dun even know me, but she is someone whom i think is great, and one of a kind.

In my life up till now, only 2 girls have that impact on me. To make me want to look at her forever, to be ridiculously shy and stupid when she is around, make my heart flutter rapidly and just being near her makes me happy and excited and nervous at the same time. And she is one of them.

At the altar, I asked God, why did He make me fall head over heels, legs, thighs, ankles and feet for her when in the end she is leaving. As Brother Darren prayed for me and I walked up to my seat, I finally understood why.

The 2 girls that I liked in the past shared the same thing in common. They had no idea who on earth i was, yeah, that sad. But though we never had any interaction, they both impacted me greatly. The first one had me picking up Japanese and guitar, and the present one had me decided on being a better person, the best God meant for me to be in fact. A better person for God and for the girl He plans for me.

I can say that God put these experiences in my life to make me grow as a person and in Him.
I do not know if i can ever find another girl who moved me like she did but i have to give my feelings for her up.

Just wanna say that you are the best girl i ever met in my life, I pray that you will meet someone who loves you unconditionally and u will have a God-centered relationship.

Thank you. Take care. God bless.

Till later

2008-11-23T23:18:00.003+08:00

Well i wont be posting until 5th of december, that's when my exams end. It's all too stressing and depressing right now. Homework, exams, exams' preparations, she leaving. It's all too much, just too much right now. Cant handle it by myself, gonna rely on God through this time of trial. Pray for me yo. Signing off, peace out till later, aight.

Dreamy guy

2008-11-18T23:17:00.003+08:00

Today while transiting on the Mrt, listening to my China-made-imitation Mp3 (aint rich yo), i went into dreaming mode. I day-dreamed about being in a Christian Japanese band where we change the lyrics of cool Jap songs with Christian's one. In my dreamy mind, it was awesome, i was speaking fluent Jap like no one's business, haha, uber cool. God, guitar, japanese, all the things i like doing all at once. Must achieve it yo. Need to start finding band members who LOVES God and Japanese stuffy. Haha, gonna be hard, I am the only one I know so far.

Guess who was in the audience....

Yeah, her.

Today was a gruelling day 4 by 4 hours of lectures separated by an hours break, man, who is the sadistic teacher who planned this tuesday's timetable. He/She needs a little counselling. Hehe. I prayed to be awake, a fresh mind and the ability to understand what the teacher is saying, and God being faithful, answered my prayers. :))

Will posts pics of the cycling trip on sunday to Upper Pierce Reservoir as soon as i get them. Yeah, half naked. Only me though, the wind against your body when zooming down the steep slope at mark 3 is nice and its a good way to get tanned while exercising.

Yosh, gonna practise guitar now, time to up my skill level, hehe. Tmr no school, BANZAI!!!

Secret blown

2008-11-15T22:12:00.003+08:00

Today after cell, we went to singpost to go and eat, and she was there too. My cellmates kept doing actions that hinted at me liking her. In short, i think she knows. When asked if someone were to like her as she was going overseas, and how she would feel, she said "nothing". I have no idea what to feel towards that response. Why do I like a girl whom i have no guts or courage to even say hi to. Guess liking somebody has no basis for reasoning, I am gonna miss her but not sure for how long. Hopefully not 1 and a half years like my previous crush, that is too painful yo.

God, please give me courage to speak to the girl i like.

Every memory I have of you is liking you. If only you knew...

Getting over and moving on

2008-11-14T22:56:00.010+08:00

Well, it still is sad that she will be leaving for quite a long time, but the ache is residing in a sense. I know that God has someone in store for me and i have to trust in that, but letting her go is still not so easy. I am not gonna give up but rather become a better man for her, and improve on my guitar skills for that song i wanna sing to her, yeap i aint giving up the good fight. If she ever come back, i wanna get ready, i will just take this 4 or 5 years as time for improvement. God bless.

Well today was the painting of the waves, got my hands rather dirty. In my opinion, i did a good job, some concurred some rejected, oh wells haha. Sorry i cant take pics, haven got a decent camera yet, maybe i will snatched from Maxine's blog (ssshhhh..) Had fun overall, and most importantly, we served God. Amen.

And today I received a new motivation for playing the guitar to the next level for me. I really hate (dai kirai desu) it when pp stereotyped me and my guitar. They think because i didnt progress from classical or acoustic to electric but rather dived straight into electric, i wont have a strong foundation and wont play that well. Well, its time to prove them wrong and be a testimony that with God's blessing, i WILL play better.

In my opinion and some others, its not about your talent or what u start off with entirely but rather your diligence and consistency in practising your instrument, at the end of the day, a quote from a show, "diligence and hardwork can surpass even a genius", guess we have to take it in every aspect of our lives. Do not rely on your talent but rather on God to bring you to the next level yo. For me guitar is 50% enjoyment, 50% serving God, i am not gonna be pretentious and say 100% serving God, He would want me to be true to myself yo.

I am gonna practise and with the help of God and my frens, i will be a testimony. HAHA. Ikusou, mina-san!

My girlfren. hehe
Me posuing(ignyte hoodie included)

Tomorrow is gym in a long time, cant wait, push it to the MAX!!!!!

I will wait for you........

News she is leaving. Ask God why.

2008-11-12T22:19:00.007+08:00

Guys, gals or whoever reading this, today is a sad and bad day for me.

The girl i liked is going to New Zealand to study, college and uni, in other words, a long long time.
I cant even see her once a week from January onwards, my only connection to her "brutally" cut. I dunno why this is happening again. For those who know my secondary school crush, she left without knowing i even existed, now it is de ja vu for this case.

None of my crushes ever worked out, well this 3rd one is striked out, way out. But i guess its mostly my fault, I never had the courage to approach the girl to say hi, i am too useless. Lack of self-confidence, my achilles heel.

All the while, i have only been looking at her during service in church, admiring how pretty she is, how she talks and how she smiles. Her smile is soothing so to speak. I keep talking about her to my homies and cell mates but never dared to say hi. Now she is going away, not knowing who i am. You guys would think that this is the final stretch and i should go all out, but sorry, the courage aint coming by a long shot.

On the train, on the bus, i would daydream about us being frens, how she would talk to me about her problems and hanging out and stuff. And if God permits, maybe becoming something more. I dun ask for much, just being a good fren of hers would be enough. I wanna protect her you know, be there when she is sad and share her happiness. Protect her with my strength and comfort her when she is down in the dumps. But i guess that aint happening.

Smsed a fellow fren, she replied maybe God planned another sweet one for me but have not appeared yet. I dunno, not that i dun have faith in God, but i would really like to experience true love now. Too dramatic eh. But i have faith God knows best.

The worst part i guess is not feeling as heart-broken as i should. For my second crush, i cried and emoed for 3 days, and kept a momento from her for a year. Yep, that serious. Maybe its because i dun really know her.

Still remembered when my cellmates egged me on to stand beside her after service. I stood there 5 cm apart. I felt... happy. When she walked past me, it was beyond words, awesome. I wanted to know her more for who she is, and who she was in God. I foolishly thought i had many years to prepare myself for that but like all things that comes and goes, something like this unpredictably happened. Why? I have no clue.

I thought of playing the guitar and sing a love song or two, and she is in the crowd, and at the best part of the song, give her a look and maybe she knows. Guess it is too much eh, but what can i do? I always daydream about that senario.

Now all i can do in my capacity, is just to look at her as much as i can, before she goes to New Zealand. My love stories are all crappy so to speak. I wanna give her what i can, but it is just aint possible eh.

I am thinking of waiting for her, and in these few years i make my best effort to be a better guy for her. But chances of it are slim, if i cant do it now, what more a few more years.

Well, if she ever read this post, just wanna tell you i like you and i pray for your safety and an intimate relationship with God wherever u go. If you ever meet a guy u like, ask God first, he knows best and just know i will be happy for you too. May the blessings of God be upon you always and to the end of time.

Every moment i will be liking you.

La La Land

2008-11-11T22:51:00.003+08:00

Today was aight, managed to survived 6 hours of lectures, transiting between comatose and reality. Gotta sleep earlier yo. Managed to snag a seat on the North-East line, so cozy and the air-con, drifted off to sleep and bumped my head on the other guy many times. Haha, pretended to be asleep, too embarrassed to say sorry.

Too much homework stacked up, and i cant seem to get started, frustrating to the max yo.

Was planning to do the homework, but was msning Clara about a Japanese sentence, one thing led to another and i ended up asking a lot more questions. Sorry for bothering you, u are the 1st girl i know who is so patient, with me at least. In my eyes, u are like a Japanese expert regarding language. *21 arms salute*

B.t.w, the lack of gymming is kinda getting me moody in a sense. My gym partners are like growing in size and i am kinda the same.... I wanna get bigger yo. I need to start training by myself and not rely on others if i wanna get the gains.

Saw Fight Science on OKTO, it. is. Awesome. Showing how any normal average person can defend him/herself in a suprise attack, aiming the weak points, neck, eyes, pelvis(the bladder area) and ears. But only in drastic situations, yeah, these attacks are lethal. So if you peeps get attacked, just "hum tum" the person man, just whack those areas like mad. Whack and run. Dun whack and whack. Unless you are seriously sadistic.

This saturday, will be cycling with 4E6 homies and some frens to upper pierce reservoir, meeting at 7am. Good times to be relived again, cant wait!!! And yes, without u asking, i will be cycling half-naked again, not on the way there (who does that???) but at the reservoir itself, lesser pp. Will post pics with Josh.I camera. Maybe some with us half-naked, yes, us. Not for the faint-hearted, haha :) -_-

Gotta do at least some homework. See ya later alligator.

Tired

2008-11-11T00:24:00.002+08:00

Today woke up late, missed GEMs, shouldnt have slept at 2 am, bad call.

Took the train and it broke down at Queenstown, came in late for lab practical by 30 minutes.

Went for Japanese lesson at 5.30pm, headache started to set in.

All in all, it was an eventful day, thanks to God i managed to finish the day in one piece both physically and mentally. Yeah tmr, Bleach new episode coming out, the story is getting more exciting, expecting some serious action, in this case girl is kicking guy's butt. Cant wait for this friday, its time to paint the waves, 4 more days yo. Yesterday, a girl called me sweet, for reasons i dun wanna tell but hey, i dun think i deserve your compliment... not now at least.

How does it feel to have a girlfriend, have no idea, just gonna leave it to God. He knows best, hehe.

Too tired now, gotta do Jap hw and sleep, tmr long day again, skipping gym to do homework, sob. I wanna train. Bye B.

All in a day's slackness

2008-11-09T22:23:00.007+08:00

Today was productive in all the wrong ways yo. Studied my Japanese and practised my guitar but I did not revise my modules or do any of its homework. WAH, getting me to study its like studying nuclear science with the mentality of a primary school kid. I need to get motivated. It's imperative.

Woke up, Sanjay came to pass me the phone battery. Haiz, problem=battery loose. One knock, auto off. Warui keitai (bad phone). I need a good phone, one that can listen to many songs and take good photos. I dont have much money for a camera yo. Going to ask God for one, haha. Hey, if u never try, u never know.

Sanjay played my guitar, he gotten real good with it, groving to the beat and all, bluesy tune. After he left, I started practising. And something u should know, when i play the guitar I am kinda menopausal (no offense to you girls, but I cant think of a better word), sometimes I play Ok, sometimes I am missing the notes in bulk. Today was the latter, and I got real fustrated. I immediately prayed to God for guidance, and after a while, I was grooving Ok, Oh Yeah. Then I started strumming, the sound made me wanted to puke, literally, I got queasy. I found the problem, the guitar was untuned. So basically to sum it up, guitar->untuned->Rasseru Kurosaki-> vomit. (Rasseru Kurosaki is my jap name, dun laugh, i am proud of it yo) I must really be a full-fledged guitarist to react so strongly to an untuned guitar, hehe.

I am going to audition for worship ministry in 2 years time, with God and the help of all the pp teaching me guitar.　どうもありがとうございます。 (thanks a lot)

Kenneth came to my house to study and do math. Well, u know how this story will end. Yeah, he did some work and i went to sleep. I am seriously motivated for the wrong things.

Oh yeah, since I didnt go to gym. I did 105 push-ups and many sit-ups. By the way, it's not the quantity u do but the quality of the sit-ups u do that grows your abs. Just squeeze your abs at the peak of the movement. For those who dun know.

Target for gymming-> Will Smith.
I am not aiming for the blur look on his face. More definition on the body and that is my goal.

Took a pic of my weights, looks like a bull eh? The weights of rage. Rawrrr (if it's lame, dun say it)
Tomorrow, school from 8am to 7.30pm, i cant help but complain, but it's the 5th week so it's not so bad. Well, pocket money increases by 4 dollars :))

Anyone (girl or boy, dun really matter) who wanna go to the gym with me, just call me yo. Sayounara.

Subarashii ( fantastic, awesome)

2008-11-08T23:25:00.005+08:00

Woke up at 12.02pm today, nice sleep yo. Slacked until it was time to head to church, its hard to try to do homework, se-hi-riiiously.

Started with gel, Joseph had us write on a piece of paper we took out what we tot our cellmates grown in various areas and what we pray they would grow in. Hehe, quite a few pp say i have to have more confidence in myself and more self-esteem, i know what u guys are hinting at. I will say hi to her...... in 2 years time.

Awesome worship, totemo sugoi (very fantastic) sang my heart out to God and praised him to highest yo. I sang off a few times, haha, think u guys should know by now, i sing like a broken mp3, but its all cool. Dun even know what key i am singing in, must be the wrong one, best thing is God doesnt mind one bit.

Pp who talked to me about her, i always replied that i am not good enough for her. She is too good for me in my opinion. I wanna be her friend, her confidant someone she opens her heart to but i guess it is too much to expect eh. If God permits it to progress, YOHOO.
But during worship, God said "You are worthy for her", it's like WHAT? I told Josh Sim and Rufus immediately, haha, too excited. But still i dun think i will have the courage to approach her. Curse you, pimples on my forehead. Ok, i dun really curse.

I can only look at her from afar, not in a stalker sense but yeah. Guys, please dun mention her name, if she knows, Sunday service here i come yo. I wanna get to know her, i dun want my liking for her to be just skin deep, though i feel that there is something more to her, a good girl is all i can say. Guess that is the reason why i like her. When she smiles, she really smiles. Yeah, haha.

Those who dunno how she look like or her name, dun bother asking me, I am not going kiss and tell, HAHA. This STAYS in the church yo. One of the many reasons i train in the gym, is to protect her, i know i know, too many Bleach and Naruto eh. But that is how i feel. :)

Went to Habib house with Josh and Sanjay to collect my free phone, HAIZ, its not working, *prays* it is just the battery problem, all will be known tmr i guess.

I need a camera, i wanna post photos Arrgh. Cant wait for church camp, the excitement is SURGING in me. Ciaossu.

Tanoshii desu yo ( jap for fun)

2008-11-07T23:54:00.003+08:00

Today school at 8 am, thanks for the invention of coffee I managed to stay conscious. 4 hours of Introduction to Engineering, had to build a car using Tamiya parts(yeah, Tamiya, the nostalgia), quite cool with all the auto stopping and all. Went into overdrive with my team, gotta get it 100 % running. Thank God for a good team.

Rushed to Trinity at 3.15 pm with all the card box sweating like a broken tap. cooled down with Maxine at Hans while she mugged. Met with all the peeps and started planning. Had to make fierce waves to represent the camp's theme, haha, i suggested the parting of the Red Sea and the drowning Egyptians but it was too much carnage I guess. We planned and cut out the waves, had total fun with it making jokes and all. Now for some reasons, the girls think I am gay with Zhi He and Joshua, one for morning and one for night.... -_-""

YO, i am so straight i make a pole look curved.

But it was all fun man, hanging out with them was like a comedy with Charlie Chaplin.

Headed home with Josh and rendevous with Habib, had one of those heart to heart talks about our lives and some backstabbers and horrible partners to work with. Arr, love talking with them. It is like talking to good friends who wont judge you, it's like we are from the same mother. Really. Habib is definitely changed, glad to see it.( but please cut down on your vulgarities buddy) I am asking him for fashion tips, YES that big a change. LOL

Really worried about her finding out i liked her. She is the flower, and i am the dung on which she is on. And she has no idea who i am, yeah, its that pathetic.

Well. draggy post but will liven it up with pictures soon yo. Habib, thanks for the phone u are about to give me for free.

Finally!!!

2008-11-07T00:34:00.000+08:00

I FINALLY GOT IT. One thing to note when creating a blog is just to ask one right person, i went all over the place and spent 4 hours in avail, almost defected to wordpress. Thank you Clara for helping, sorry if you got irritated. I am quite retarded when it comes to computers.

Well, i am officially gonna blog now, at 12.37am. Historic moment, for me that is.

Tomorrow school at 8am, long train ride as usual, gonna "try" to revise on the way. Cant wait to go to church at 3.30pm and get my hands dirty. Church camp coming up yo. Gonna be decorating the service theatre , part of it at least. Gotta sleep now, ciaossu. Hmm, American Next Top Model is not a good show, half the time is spent in conflict, yeah randomness.

Blog?

2008-11-06T19:53:00.001+08:00

Hmmm, this is my first time writing a blog, totally clueless. How to put in pictures, man. Where on earth is the tag board? How to change template? Guys hold on for 2 days while i get it up.

I am searching

About music

Being content

Ain't going to think about it

Thoughts and a reminder

Charice - Pyramid [featuring Iyaz]

Just a Dream Cover/Remix (Nelly)- Joseph Vincent & Jason Chen

Of yesterday and today

My thoughts

About marriage

I need a good boost

Of life thus far

Just talking

Of thoughts

My goal for this life

Of Ip Man 2 and Racism

Of the past

My hobbies

Our nature

Arr, He is good.

Riding

Wants and commitments

Tired.

CAMP IGNORMOUS WOOOOO!!!!

another level of growth

It is tiring but God will provide

Hallelujah :)

Gonna rise above all this stress !!!

Woots. Saw my fellow people :>

Help?

Let go

A beast

Girlfriend

It was saturday yesterday.

A prophesized Victory :)))

Giganto Amphibiano

A praise report

Drained but not empty

Woots. Glory to God :)

Reporting for duty :))

Girls

Saturday's night fever literally :)

試験が終わりました！ ばんざい！ Exams over :)

Maths- round 1

Definition of beauty

A new commitment

Do note :)

Today is my birthday :)

Feelings that i do not want

Awesome growing experience :)

The trial

Russell Loves God

On hindsight, towards the future

Tired

Yosh. Photos for the first time. Woots.

The fun, the tired, and the new

Thank You, Jesus

Back!!!

Cant be bothered anymore

I want to sleep !!!

Ya so gonna refer to this one day, haha

Priorities... God bless you

It is time !!

There is a first thigh for everything

Troubling

It is GOOD !!!

Man, this is classic

Time to do fun stuffs with good friends

Someone wise tells me

Back to the past, Brothers for life

Good times... Love yall to bits

She leaves....

New shirts, good friends, thank God.

RELOADED WITH FAITH

God's amazing work

GLORY TO HIM

Dun say this often CRAP

Blown

Fresh Start YO

SURGE Searching Serving Soaring RIGHT NOW

試験が終わりました！　ばんざい！　Exams over :)